The Dance (Updated! Come back and check it!)

[Emadyville]

Creepy in a good way.

The whole thing was kinda simple (in regards to the 'plot') and seemed like a normal story in a verse...till the last 5 lines, but mainly the ending line, which was strangly creative in a good way.

Loved the rhymes, I picked up on your internal multi's, liked the echo/mellow/hell no/tempo shit cause I know that wasn't on accident

Good piece homie

[mdemaz]

I downloaded the beat and rapped the song, good looks man.
The general ability to write lyrics in a manner that pulses out beams of sense is relieving.
Looking forward to more of your work Cide.

[BigBoss]

i fuckin loved it

really liked the dark aura it was givin off

[Sam.]

[Geno]
You hear the beat echo as you walk into the darkness,
You're free to be mellow while you talk about your hardships,
Leave 'em peace? Hell no, it's their spark that needs sparkin',
And she's the reason tempos of my heart began arcing,
I'm 'bout to put a stop to this nonsense, got that?
Stalk her 'til the dawn's black with mustangs - top back,
Follow to where her block's at, the house that she knocks at,
Lookin' like a small pad, the door - she didn't lock that,
Time to finish off now, but first I'll cut the lights,
She used to love the night, and of course she wasn't bright,
Had fewer hugs than fights as we were dancin' by the rain,
Now she'll wear a slit throat just to amplify our pain
I run rampant with a blade, right through her living room,
She screams, "just go away!", throwin' shoes and kitchen brooms,
Said, "I've been missing you" as I slit her throat like I planned
I kiss her forehead and cry as I pick her up for a dance

[Chorus - Geno]
This is the result of hearts severed into two,
The aftermath of crashin' as we fled to other routes
This is dedicated to girls who say, "it's never comin' true",
Just don't let it get on through, I'm forever loving you.
x2

[Geno]
I lift my head up, look around, signs of life? I took 'em down,
I feel like I shouldn't now, no regret, I shook it out,
Then why do I hear crooked sounds? I can't suffice my twisted thoughts
I tried to die but wouldn't drown, I guess I won't be fixed at all,
I wish I could just drift right off as I succumb to this withdrawal,
My mistress kiss is all I want, but viciousness just whisked it off,
I get so sick I start to bawl and think, "we shouldn't do this,"
As I slit my own throat, now all I hear is the music.

1st off
darkness,
hardships, <---- dont rhyme
but...
darkness,
hardship, rhyme

okay son the 1st verse was dope untill it hit the bold part where it got whack in my opinion [sry] nice emo shit there.

and did not like the second verse sry kill me for being honest .

[Sam.]

Darkness and hardships rhyme if you enunciate them properly.

And why didn't you like the 2nd verse? Was it just bad? Or just didn't gel with you? I'd like to know things to improve rather than being told it's not good.

sry future my bad .
it was not written well i mean none of the lines stood out like the 1st verse and too much use of "i" made it so diff to deal with son .

[J.R.]

Rhyming and flow were amazing. Creepy, But overall I liked it. Keep it up, Looking for your next work

[Mr Change]

I'll be honest, this is probably my favorite of all i've seen on here.

[RainMan44]

1 verse and an 8. I'm splitting the song with someone else, but I'm only gonna post mine. Check it. I wrote the chorus too, after the beat title.

Feed: http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic. ... 4&t=118421
Beat: http://www.mediafire.com/?c179s51nqo58zco

[Geno]
You hear the beat echo as you walk into the darkness,
You're free to be mellow while you talk about your hardships,
Leave 'em peace? Hell no, it's their spark that needs sparkin',
And she's the reason tempos of my heart began arcing,
I'm 'bout to put a stop to this nonsense, got that?
Stalk her 'til the dawn's black with mustangs - top back,
Follow to where her block's at, the house that she knocks at,
Lookin' like a small pad, the door - she didn't lock that,
Time to finish off now, but first I'll cut the lights,
She used to love the night, and of course she wasn't bright,
Had fewer hugs than fights as we were dancin' by the rain,
Now she'll wear a slit throat just to amplify our pain
I run rampant with a blade, right through her living room,
She screams, "just go away!", throwin' shoes and kitchen brooms,
Said, "I've been missing you" as I slit her throat like I planned
I kiss her forehead and cry as I pick her up for a dance

[Chorus - Geno]
This is the result of hearts severed into two,
The aftermath of crashin' as we fled to other routes
This is dedicated to girls who say, "it's never comin' true",
Just don't let it get on through, I'm forever loving you.
x2

[Geno]
I lift my head up, look around, signs of life? I took 'em down,
I feel like I shouldn't now, no regret, I shook it out,
Then why do I hear crooked sounds? I can't suffice my twisted thoughts
I tried to die but wouldn't drown, I guess I won't be fixed at all,
I wish I could just drift right off as I succumb to this withdrawal,
My mistress kiss is all I want, but viciousness just whisked it off,
I get so sick I start to bawl and think, "we shouldn't do this,"
As I slit my own throat, now all I hear is the music.

Man...I'm really fucking feeling this piece. You got your multies game on LOCK. And besides that, you executed this perfectly. If I were to write on this same topic, it would of came out corny. You did a great job tho. First verse was sick. I loved the "amplify our pain" line...and the "kitchen brooms/living room" ones. Good shit.


( I know you asked me to feed this over a month ago...better late than never tho :P )