Didn't I already feed this? Strange..
Anyways, don't know why everybody is saying that the flow is perfect or whatever, but I can see some troubles in the first verse (halfway through) where you might encounter a problem or two when trying to flow it right. Either you have to punch in, or your breath control must be above average.
Lyrically, I think it's ace, besides some minor vocab issues, that I personally would have changed. Some re-phrasing would do the trick. But that's just me nitpicking. I could just write ''it's dope'' and click on submit, but I would rather give you some constructive feed even if it sounds like I'm reaching.
Love how you described the scenes, I could easily visualize the story. Nice and vivid way of portraying the story. You actually wrote your verses in a coherent manner, it felt like I was reading an entity, from the very first line 'till the last.
If I had to pick my favourite verse, it would probably be the second. You better make it perfect if/when you record it.