Constructive Criticism

[77o77]

IS This worth finishing? Good or Bad?
"A rhyme so intertwined with metaphorical lines. I've been creatively figured just to fuck with your minds. A mental design, blindly sent til' the shine fades overtime out of the lime. I resent all and none, a subliminal crime. So when I get defeated as I'm reaching up to my high, I reach deeper inside, and pull some shit straight up outside of the mic, and how did I become so deceiving yet willingly trusting at the same time? I tried out sounding each word, one two at a time. Every verse, every line, til' I'm out of signs to Inscript on the backhands of the blind. So When I resign life, and finally approach that light at the end of my life. I'll be home, no more clouds on my shoulders trying to shade me or hide. So for my life, I stay time watching the lives go by, and wonder why or how someone is remembered. By his thoughts or his mind? What he's done for this generation or what he's left behind? For sure I know one thing, His memories, they will die, along with whatever remained in his mind......."

I feel I need some honest constructive criticism. So anything would help. Should I finish it, or is it worth finishing?
ya Sorry, I know this is the Eminem section, but any other section doesn't get more than 3-7 comments

[77o77]

Creative Writing or Backstage is more suitable for this. It's gonna get moved.

I liked it though.

Thanks, I know it'll get moved, but I figured I could get a lot more comments here while it is in this section.

[nujet2002]

It looks pretty good. I like it.

As some constructive criticism I'd say I don't like how you stuck with the same rhyme at the end of lines for the whole thing. Gets a little repetitive and sounds better if the rhyming sounds are switched up especially if it happens while switching the flow. Obviously I can't judge the flow from this but reading it in my head it felt a little repetitive in the sound of it. Just needs some change of pace.

[77o77]

^
Thanks I'll switch the second part of this up. lol I hate when you find something you feel comfortable with but have no where to put it.

Great job, very creative.
But where u say every verse every line, i've heard this before! :P

LOL ya I thought about that after I posted. Kinda slow of myself (stan) not to notice.

"Every verse, every line, simple as nursery ryhmes.

[moose35]

I'd say that sometimes you rhymed just for the sake of rhyming. It made sense as a general piece, the whole verse was aimed at that. But sometimes you just put in 1-2 lines that made no correlation to the meaning of the piece (idk, maybe for you, but not to most listeners). The rhyme sceme was dope though, nice slants and everything. Hit me up, we should do a collab

[77o77]

^
Thanks man, I'm in the process of switching some verses out, and tweaking some. Ya, some of the lines i didnt have time and i wanted to get it done, so i forced a couple. I'll have it done by sometime today. (and revise again)
Well based on the feedback i just have some tweaks to do so ill focus on that.
And thatd b cool, gotta find the right beat for the styles tho.