My recovery(rough draft)

[foll3]

Incredibly rough literally wrote this as I went along.


I'm trying to curb my addictions to prescriptions
Its sickening
I'm ashamed.
I'm stuck in the walls of my brain, going crazed, died twice and my memores hazed.
Brought back to life for some kind of reason
My change in mood is like a change in season
Not very often I brighten
And enlighten those around me
Who hound me.
Calm down. Breathe. Let out a sigh of relief.
Life ain't what it seems.
Is sanity really insane?
Is delusion really an illusion?
I try to be honest but people don't like the way it comes across
They try to boss and control you.
Make you suicidal.
I'm not naming names but I'm ashamed I ever met you.
For all the times that I cried I hope this upsets you.
Please believe you mean nothing to me and I'm leaving
Adios,bye, see you later.
Departing with a FUCK YOU for the haters.

Testimony of Jimmy Follows.
I'm clean and you can' fuck this up for me.

[Fa-Q]

K first off, on this site you can't even remotely immitate Eminem. So don't do songs with his titles or album names...

Second off, lines are too short. If you want separation just say:

------, -----, ----- -----,

Not

------
-------
---
---------------

Its just not pleasing to the eyes.

Thirdly you need vocabulary expansion, what I suggest is you read at least a little bit of the dictionary. I have, and so have a lot of CWers on here. Also, what I have on my blackberry, is a vocabulary expansion program that teaches definitions and words and vice versa.

Fourthly, because this is an Eminem fansite and thusly everyone on here loves eminem you can't do subject matter he has done or you have to do it in a matter that in no way resembles what he has done.

Fifthly, multis multis multis. Probably the most important thing (even though people on here won't say so) to writing. It provides depth to pieces and it shows you've been writing for awhile. There's two types of multis and I'll explain them if you don't know if you PM me.

Hey, not a bad first drop but you need work, never stop writing, and don't let whatever I say deter you, you have as much talent as you want to have. Keep it up newbie!!!

[foll3]

I appreciate the feedback. Yeah I understand the spacing i copied it off my blog and lay it out like that because it makes the words stand out against my background

You wouldnt happen to know any similar applications available on an ipod/iphone would you?
And I only really posted to sort of put it out there as the only way to improve is to have others critique right?
Appreciate it thanks.

[Fa-Q]

No, I don't have an iPhone but I'm sure there's an app if there is for BB...the best way is to just read the dictionary. And yes you are exactly right, I improved sooo much after I started dropping on here about a year ago