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Fake Identity(poetry)

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Fake Identity(poetry)

Postby neversnooze » Jul 4th, '10, 20:01

something i wrote for a contest(turned out to be no prizes) and it's old piece i wrote a year ago. i hope you enjoy :)

A honey bee as humble as it collects
The pollen is like words that have been spoken
A friend once said with a voice that was so bliss
So sweet like honey as it carries’s positive qualities
From healing sore throats to bleeding flesh wounds
You never flew rotten but how it went bitter
Couldn’t distinguish you from the makeup and glitter
Blinded by the charm like searching for a companion
When you talk about friends and helping one another
As a drone It leaves me to question, only to wonder
I asked why leave one daisy that is rich in color for another
With that I call you a fake identity this is the nature
Being ignored dropped my tears of syrupy nectar
Sometimes I stay up so late that I have my morning coffee before I go to bed
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Re: Fake Identity(poetry)

Postby Strictt Ame » Jul 4th, '10, 22:49

Topic, direction, vocabulary and imagery were real nice on this piece..Id like to see some newer stuff..you have a pretty good grasp and control of fittin words together perfectly..solid drop
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Re: Fake Identity(poetry)

Postby gutawafang » Jul 5th, '10, 04:32

Yo Stricct, where you been? :o

neversnooze wrote:A honey bee as humble as it collects
The pollen is like words that have been spoken
A friend once said with a voice that was so bliss
So sweet like honey as it carries’s positive qualities
From healing sore throats to bleeding flesh wounds
You never flew rotten but how it went bitter
Couldn’t distinguish you from the makeup and glitter
Blinded by the charm like searching for a companion
When you talk about friends and helping one another
As a drone It leaves me to question, only to wonder
I asked why leave one daisy that is rich in color for another
With that I call you a fake identity this is the nature
Being ignored dropped my tears of syrupy nectar

Wow, it's about bee. Nice. It takes time to analyze a poem man. Pretty confusing in the first few reads.

It's very nice man. :y:
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Re: Fake Identity(poetry)

Postby neversnooze » Jul 5th, '10, 22:19

thanks Strict, it took me like 5 years to get where i am at. its all about practice writting and reading.

i am working on a couple new ones, so far its at the rough draft stage.

Gutta thanks for the comment its about a bee, also its a substitute thats about a girl.
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Re: Fake Identity(poetry)

Postby gutawafang » Jul 6th, '10, 01:35

neversnooze wrote:thanks Strict, it took me like 5 years to get where i am at. its all about practice writting and reading.

i am working on a couple new ones, so far its at the rough draft stage.

Gutta thanks for the comment its about a bee, also its a substitute thats about a girl.

yeah, i thought the whole thing was about LOVE man. as in love for a girl. really awesome man. :worship:
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