Unknown

[WhatsAnEnigma]

*Just realized I need to feedback. Let me find a piece I like to do that for..
Feedback

I suggest using the beat since it helps the otherwise awkward flow (Immobilarity!), and in the 3rd and 4th bar those periods denote actually stopping after each to give emphasis and follow the beat.
Beat.

Cold sweat keeps me awake
During heated conflicts rekindling the flame of debate
As I prey feasting on faith.
Soul starving. heart throbbing. pain seeping through veins
Regurgitate leftovers not left Kosher
Don't meddle in blood like Metallica killing Red coaters
I was downplayed by fans for tryna oust Saints
book pages ripped out ripped out my name plate
Remodeled the foundation changing my House gray
Painted over summer-sound panes dark cloud shades
Becoming denser...filled now with rain,
They out-mass, outweigh burden their outer frame
Till emotions crowd barrier gates buried as crowd's break
loose...but that's only through step 2.
I 'ceded' the rooftop garden that bears fruit,
Now ignorant they call foul when I play innocence
but I found bliss in it...my mind in a tent
Then going around shooting craps now shooting shit
Shit I'm losing it...building a small roof was a lucid bet
Just enough room to fit a noose to it...


There is one obvious metaphor throughout it and another part I need to make clearer. If you can suggest if it's a nice idea or not would be helpful as this was something I did in 1-2 hrs today and something different for me. Anyways..

Made a few changes.

[Mr. Chambers]

don't mean to be a dickbag and not leave feedback, but have you been on other sites before and which ones? cuz your name looks very familiar....

[WhatsAnEnigma]

I've had a variation between the names WhatsanEnigma and WhosanEnigma, though this is the only rap site I'm moderately active in with the name.

What sites do you recall the name from?

[Mr. Chambers]

itshiphop?
hhboard?
rapcapital?
those the only two i've ever been "active" on.

[WhatsAnEnigma]

Nope, none of those. Must of been someone enigmatic

[Audi]

RapDogs?

[WhatsAnEnigma]

None of those. The only site I was part of was Rapbattles, and that was to tell someone his "rap" was a first person narrative of Gladiator with Russell Crowe.

No one wants to feedback so I'm guessing this isn't the best type of stuff to write. What do you want, punches? a narrative? a poetical piece containing themes?