Practice verses

[Devil'sAdvocate]

I used to write like a year or two ago,then i tottaly stopped,wrote those 2 verses in like 15 minutes

ANY FEED IS APPRECIATED.

Coming in from my room,surroneded with gloom
dont know if its morning or noon,been a while since i glanced the moon
keep tellin my self,im leavin my hell,goin out soon
i need help,keep gettin fat,just had a bowl of nuts too
im nuts fool,tried to make a sandwich,my finger got a cut through
im so hungry,i cant even tell you
i buss slugs,i mack thugs,as i take drugs
no i dont son,i cant even lift my damn face up
yo life,can i get a break up,60 bucks for internet watching a fake fuck
tryna satisfy a fake slut,well its school time
mom's like put a fake smile,and dont make your teacher lose his damn mind
im 18,what do u excpect bitch,the world is like a dented shit.

ima spittin image
fuck my father hes finished
ima operate on ya like a motherfucking dentist
Advocate's da menace
cause ima' eat u for breakfast
spit out ur livers, balls and intestines
any last words before ur death sentence
got more ways to kill you then jigsaw
i spit raw,my rhymes will cut through you all
this is too minimal,these times are so critical
i mimic you,i start a fist fight and i end up fisting you
pulling out ur collar bone,going home,bust my phone
have fun watching u suffer from my throne
I send out over two billi-on volts of pure intelligence
And no one can take it in so they call it all irrelevance
my raps so futiristic,yours is like a past tense
i grammer this,to me ur under educated
fuck you,what if u fuckin made it
the worlds too simple,im too incredible
face it ur losin faith,gotta keep up with the pace
i started sniffin,i might ask for a fuckin taste.

i hope u read the 2 verse fully,thank you

link of feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=102561&p=1414137#p1414137

[macdaddy019967]

I like the concept of the first verse
your rhyming could use some work
not bad though

[ThomasJ]

I like the concept of the first verse
your rhyming could use some work
not bad though

Basically this,keep writing.

[macdaddy019967]

no offense devils but if your going to call someone uneducated make sure you spell grammar right lol
"i grammer this,to me ur under educated"

[Devil'sAdvocate]

no offense devils but if your going to call someone uneducated make sure you spell grammar right lol
"i grammer this,to me ur under educated"

its a lil typo u smartass in a verse,its iight i guess.

SO U MAD!?

[Devil'sAdvocate]

BUMP!!!!

[Devil'sAdvocate]

ANOTHA BUMP