Sunrise (12 Minutes Tops)

[Audi]

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(Chorus)
The sun rays through my blinds keep creepin through
A few touch my lips, I admit, that I feel a new
It's something different, something special that I'm seeing now
The sunrises, so why, are people feeling down

(Verse)
Dear rain clouds, leave and never come back
A sad note in my life, should have never sung that
I wore the dunce cap and sat in the corner
Listenin to other cats mask their disorders
Flippin quarters down into the wishing well
Hiding from the world locked up in my citadel
I didn't dwell on that life for long
I grabbed a pipe and bong went to the sky with God
Now my eyes are shot and I'm feeling tired
I lit the fire but lost the interest to build it higher
So now I'm askin why, we grow fast and then we die
A little kid promisin his mom a castle in the sky
A master of disguise, but hope can resurface
Give a dead beat, a bass line and new purpose
I'm being earnest, the adjective, not Hemingway
Dip my toes in the wishing well and then drift away

(Chorus)
The sun rays through my blinds keep creepin through
A few touch my lips, I admit, that I feel a new
It's something different, something special that I'm seeing now
The sunrises, so why, are people feeling down

[classthe_king]

Main problem with this was the flow, but that's hard to get down in 12 minutes, so this was pretty good. Kind of boring though, I've seen you do better. I was proud of myself for knowing who hemingway was though.

[Audi]

Main problem with this was the flow, but that's hard to get down in 12 minutes, so this was pretty good. Kind of boring though, I've seen you do better. I was proud of myself for knowing who hemingway was though.

The flow was on point except for the "castle in the sky" line. It just switched up a lot. Yeah, I had a lot of filler in the beginning.

[classthe_king]

Main problem with this was the flow, but that's hard to get down in 12 minutes, so this was pretty good. Kind of boring though, I've seen you do better. I was proud of myself for knowing who hemingway was though.

The flow was on point except for the "castle in the sky" line. It just switched up a lot. Yeah, I had a lot of filler in the beginning.

I think I did the flow to that one verse so many times it got planted in my head so I tried to do. It with that one and it didn't match

[Audi]

I know you dislike when people comment on your rhyming so I won't bother (suffice to say it was solid).

That "filler" was the most interesting part to me. "I wore the dunce cap and sat in the corner." A glimpse into your life? Seemed real. Don't mean to sound presumptuous.

Then you went back to the abstract lyricism. Which isn't bad, but I personally don't find it as interesting.

Part about getting high was kind of interesting.

I like your metaphorical writing: "a sad note... should have never sung that."

I like your linking. It's one thing to write a bunch of random lines... but you're actually linking some concepts: a line about the wishing well then another line about it at the end. The musical references: "sad note," "dead beat," "bass line."

I just feel like you could benefit from making your lyrics more... concrete. Something more people can relate to.

Another thing: it's impressive you wrote this in 12 minutes. But why don't you take your time crafting a piece? You don't want to sell yourself short.

The dunce cap thing never really applied to me. I think I've only wrote one deep song that ever applied to me.

I'll write a second verse and take the concrete thing to heart.

I don't know. I've been really unenthusiastic about writing and rapping lately and I've always just wrote fast and short pieces.