Golden Terra of Rap

[WakeUpShow]

Instrum.- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCDdMzpbb2g

Your style ain't raw, and I'm here to say that Satan's back
I'll throw an Atlas at your head just to make you face the facts
That's what you get for trying to lyrically battle me
I ended you in a 16 and it's seriously sad to me
Upset you in a line, 2 is enough to leave you feeling mad
I circulate flows, that's why I'm always ceiling fans.
Behind the smoke and mirrors hides my esoteric lyrics
Free Mason rhymes can kill, so please cherish and fear it
The killer of beats, one punch at a time
Premonitions come to me as a hunch on a line
Hypnotize you with a pen and a pad
This defines you, hitting second with fads
With verses crafted to enlighten and to set free
Google sick, right after WebMD, you get me!

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=107969

[classthe_king]

You're getting better lyrically, I liked the cieling fans line but the atlas line was ehhhh. You had some pretty good rhymes in there, the only time you messed up was on the esoteric lyrics/ cherish and fear it. The and throws off the syllable count so only lyric and fear it rhymed. Flow was good in the begining but at the end your lines were way too short. Maybe you had a good flow I just couldn't find it.

[Block]

You're getting better lyrically, I liked the cieling fans line but the atlas line was ehhhh. You had some pretty good rhymes in there, the only time you messed up was on the esoteric lyrics/ cherish and fear it. The and throws off the syllable count so only lyric and fear it rhymed. Flow was good in the begining but at the end your lines were way too short. Maybe you had a good flow I just couldn't find it.

Actually that's not true. It's more true with writtens than with actual songs. Alot of what I write doesn't match syllables, but still sounds dope on beat.

Example:
I would wait and I would lie for the morning in the sky,
When those shadows would creep into the corners of my eyes
more than I would apply

it's a pretty advanced way to link lines together. Not that he used it that way.. Slug and spoonfull do it alot.

As for the piece.. It was pretty good. Def better than what I've seen from u before, dude. I'm not much on punchlines, but your rhyming was decent and not overly simplistic.

[DƎRDYPK]

this wasn't too bad at all bro
I really like the throw an atlas at your face line (lol iunno why I just did)

real decent piece
I like the flow you had at the start but I lost it in a few places
nothing big though it was still enjoyable

[WakeUpShow]

thanks alot guys.

i was very proud of my ceiling fan line

[WakeUpShow]

and did u guys notice the whole line rhyme?

Hypnotize you with a pen and a pad
This defines, hitting second with fads

[classthe_king]

You're getting better lyrically, I liked the cieling fans line but the atlas line was ehhhh. You had some pretty good rhymes in there, the only time you messed up was on the esoteric lyrics/ cherish and fear it. The and throws off the syllable count so only lyric and fear it rhymed. Flow was good in the begining but at the end your lines were way too short. Maybe you had a good flow I just couldn't find it.

Actually that's not true. It's more true with writtens than with actual songs. Alot of what I write doesn't match syllables, but still sounds dope on beat.

Example:
I would wait and I would lie for the morning in the sky,
When those shadows would creep into the corners of my eyes
more than I would apply

it's a pretty advanced way to link lines together. Not that he used it that way.. Slug and spoonfull do it alot.

As for the piece.. It was pretty good. Def better than what I've seen from u before, dude. I'm not much on punchlines, but your rhyming was decent and not overly simplistic.

wat