Paper Bag - A love song (Check it!)

[Maybe]

Edited.

[Maybe]

I ain't really into love songs tbh , i never read that type of writings but when i saw your name here i thought i could give it a shot .. and tbh i'm glad i did
First of all it was deep , and it had some unique imagery

Hidden rhymes in this part were awesome , but i don't fully get it :

It use to be cut... so I'll line the poems with my habits,
and I'll snort them till it's tragic on the news reporter broadcast...
I'll find hope inside the casket... of a color blinded pilot,
and with the loudest form of silence I would ask him for the mileage...

And the outro was great

Thanks a lot for checking it out man, glad you liked it and I appreciate the kind words.

I'll explain that part:

It use to be cut... so I'll line the poems with my habits,
and I'll snort them till it's tragic on the news reporter broadcast...

^^ refers to drug overdose, only one that's done for attention.

I'll find hope inside the casket... of a color blinded pilot,
and with the loudest form of silence I would ask him for the mileage...

^^ goes back to already being dead. The color blinded pilot is my metaphor for someone that only sees half of what they should, and asking him with silence for the mileage refers back to suicide, because pilots can't be pilots if they're colorblind due to not being able to see hazards.

[Maybe]

Thanks man ^ Hopefully this doesn't get slept on like everything else I post haha.

[MikeNUFC]

Flow was absolutely flawless.

I love how it's a mixture of abstract and realism. The realistic narrative with abstract imagery and word choice. Makes it really interesting.

Rhyming was great, with some really inventive rhymes ("hole in the matress/soulless attraction") and typically great imagery, with subtle word-play that only aided that imagery.

[gutawafang]

I was like....

Then...

Then...

Then.

Like... WTF!!! This is...

Honestly dawg, you're just sick. It's perfect.

[GLed412]

Very good song bro, I wanna hear it to see if the flow is how I was going with it...

From the middle of the first verse + verse 2 =

[Maybe]

@MikeNUFC: Thanks a lot man. I didn't think too many people would catch some of the rhymes I spread across some bars. I always appreciate your feedback.

@gutawafang: Haha thanks bro. I'm glad you liked it... Hopefully you'll like the recorded version as much.

@GLed412: Thanks for checking it out man, I'm glad you liked it ^^ I'll be recording it this month, so I'll hit you up with a link.

[ArsheyHaq]

You're a deep guy haha

I enjoyed reading this the most out of all your stuff. The rhyming on it was on another level! Plus, there were more lines that I understood in this one (either you were a little less intricate on this one or I'm getting smarter...).

"I took a stroll in the shadows, through a hole in the mattress,
through a fold and a lapse of a cold and soulless attraction...
as I sculpted all the shattered scraps of what use to be love...
I scoped up on the broken puzzle that use to be "us"..."

^^^that stuck out to me cuz of the back-to-back rhyme scheme^^^ excellent

"When I dream, I shrug away the will to wake...
and tuck away the nightmares in the pillow case...
until the stars can lift the day away... (with a summer sky),
that loves me like she use to love another guy...
she tells me I should smile... (my answer is some other time)..."

^^^your way with words is awesome^^^ hell, that whole first verse was quote-worthy

The outro was good as well. You're a good poet. BUT YOU USE TOO MANY BIG WORDS FOR ME!! lol

[Maybe]

@ArsheyHaq: Thanks man! I'm glad you liked it.

@Revolutionary: I appreciate you checking it out ^^ It'll be on an EP I've been working on for a while.

[VenomBlackViper]

Damn this is on some Sadistik level shit. I'm not usually into songs like these but when the execution is this good it's impossible not to like it. You're extremely good with multis, flow & poetry like metaphors & scenery. Great job & give me a heads up when this is on audio

[Spyder]

that was great man, the imagery and detail stuck out to most with the great flow and seem-less multies, i really could see exactly what you were saying and never had to re-read a line

hook naw but everything else was on point, 10/10 for a written

[Maybe]

Thanks a lot for the comments ^ And I appreciate you checking it out Spyder, good lookin' out.