Demons Inside

[Blu]

Alright, so this is my actual first tackle at making a rap. It's pretty short, and as you can see I was tryna go on that big daddy VBV shit. Don't expect it to be super-duper-awesome-oh-shit-I-crap-my-pants-reading-it feeling, but yeah. Just gimme some feed good or bad.

Yo, I never imagined myself so disturbed and twisted
My life changed when Satan allowed me in Hell, and I enlisted
Tired, confused and I'm holding my mothers head
Blood spots lead out the back to my brothers shed
A blood stained axe, on top of blood stained tracks
Then suddenly I begin to float in the air
I don't even know what the fuck is happening anymore
My eyes roll back into my skull
And I see the devil biting away at my soul
It feels like my brain just had an eviction
Maybe it's cuz of this goddamn pill popping addiction
I fall to the ground on both knees
That's when Satan walks in, grabs my throat and begins to squeeze
He tells me rapping isn't a blessing, it's a disease.

[Blu]

Bump

[Master Chief]

This was extremely good for a first time ever rap. Good vocabulary and you had a multi in there with brother's shed/mother's head so a for that. Definitely and obviously Eminem inspired but that's common when you first get into rapping and you're an Em stan haha.

You just need to work on your rhyming and content. But, you should feel proud to have written this for your first time, Noble Six

[Blu]

This was extremely good for a first time ever rap. Good vocabulary and you had a multi in there with brother's shed/mother's head so a for that. Definitely and obviously Eminem inspired but that's common when you first get into rapping and you're an Em stan haha.

You just need to work on your rhyming and content. But, you should feel proud to have written this for your first time, Noble Six

Thanks, man. Yeah, I was certainly bumping some Eminem while writing this. Thanks for the feed MC . But what do you mean by "content?"

[Master Chief]

I think I phrased that wrong. What I meant was to expand this content as in go into more detail, use more imagery, adjectives, dialogues if you feel like incorporating it. To elaborate. To make it more lively, entertaining and exciting. But, maybe I'm asking for too much since you're just a beginner. It'll come to you later, believe me

Keep writing, man.

[mceddie]

definetaly seems eminem inspired, but really good for a beginner, regardless. keep it up man!

[Blu]

definetaly seems eminem inspired, but really good for a beginner, regardless. keep it up man!

Thanks mceddie!

[Edge]

Nice flow to it... good shit especially for ur first time

[ilovebender.com]

It's alright

[gutawafang]

Simple rhymes and some barely rhymed. It has few multis. I like multis so do more of them. The first few lines got me hooked but it threw me off gradually. I think it's a good try man. Please don't stop. You have potential.

[ilovebender.com]

It's alright, and I really needed a link of feed, so I went with this because the title caught my eye, and I read a few bars and, it was good.