Ordinary drama...

[mcZu]

I never thought thoughts like this would ever occur
The thought of thinking I could ever be jealous
I’d rather be predictable than in an obscure state
Obscene thoughts, feeling hellish... or worse, I hate
It when my mind ogles in the midst of the puzzles
Provided by my lunacy, provided you and me
Abide and vow by it to forgive any scrutiny
Even if it shows up beautifully, a few can flee
From this mental asylum, I’m getting sick of it
I feel jealousy when you call another guy cute
Yet I flirt naturally with other women... am I a hypocrite?
Or am I something worse? Of course...
It’s obvious... what I do is worse... Of course...
I’m even a hypocrite for admitting that I’m a hypocrite
‘cause I know that what I feel is wrong
Yet I proceed to feel what is wrong for the fibs of it
But these beautiful lies are more than childish
They’re mature, vulgar, as I chauffeur
These thoughts being contradictive like a mild hiss
Emotions contraband as I’m nearing the border
Pushing the situation forward, trying to be limitless
Sky’s what the limit is, until we lie and we’re in it...
Truth be told, when I tell the truth I lie without a limit
But if that was a lie, then I might be truthful after all
So, I’d rather fall and dwell on earth’s grounds
And seek listeners that relate to these hurt sounds
They say ‘’only a life lived for others is a life lived worthwhile’’
But if you’re living a life that’s worth a lie while
Your significant other is living a life that’s worthwhile
How does that equate to you living a life that’s worth a smile
When every smile is entrenched in contempt
I’m wilding, ranting, but, wait.. I’m not even done yet
What I’ve done is past, I hate it when I grab
My phone every now and then to see if I got a text
From you, is that love, or am I being lonely, too?
Contemplating if I should phone you, too
Funny thing is, I bet you do the same thing, too
‘cause after a while I get a text from you
Saying ‘’What it do, baby boo?’’
Maybe you and I are really made for each other
Funny thing is, I thought that about the last one, too
So give me at least another month or two
Before I can really tell if we will last longer than June
Only thing that counts, right now
Is that I love you, boo...



Feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=112577&p=1607994#p1607994

[mcZu]

Bump.

[mcZu]

Bump.

[mcZu]

[ThomasAguanis]

This is seriously slept on. For real.
I didn't want to comment on it, because I can't really give any constructive feedback on it. Everything in this was written perfectly. I don't see many ways to improve it. The phrasing and word use in this were brilliant. I really like the hypocrite part as well as the worthwhile section. Those stood out to me a bit more then everything else, but everything else was still great. The delayed rhyming of some lines was a nice touch. It's a very poetic piece and I think it would transition well into song if the right beat was used. I read this with a slow flow and it seemed to work very well. I'm not sure if that's what you intended, but judging by the way it's written, I have a feeling it is. Great job on this, you really put some deep emotions in it, which can be hard to do, especially how well you did it.

[mcZu]

This is seriously slept on. For real.
I didn't want to comment on it, because I can't really give any constructive feedback on it. Everything in this was written perfectly. I don't see many ways to improve it. The phrasing and word use in this were brilliant. I really like the hypocrite part as well as the worthwhile section. Those stood out to me a bit more then everything else, but everything else was still great. The delayed rhyming of some lines was a nice touch. It's a very poetic piece and I think it would transition well into song if the right beat was used. I read this with a slow flow and it seemed to work very well. I'm not sure if that's what you intended, but judging by the way it's written, I have a feeling it is. Great job on this, you really put some deep emotions in it, which can be hard to do, especially how well you did it.

Thanks Thomas, really appreciate the comment. And, yeah, it has a slow flow.

[Xray]

Not a fan of this piece man, it's too much of poetry for my liking. I can't give you props cause tbh I thought it was shit. By that I mean not enough rhymes for my liking and your other style is more straight-forward hip hop. By no means am I saying it's wack, of course it's not. I don't know bro maybe if I heard it I'll think otherwise but you've been holding on to this love concept for a while now, it's becoming a phase and you already know how I feel about love songs. Goes through one ear and out the other. Your vocab is nice though. Btw: Zu, you there? come back.

[mcZu]

Not a fan of this piece man, it's too much of poetry for my liking. I can't give you props cause tbh I thought it was shit. By that I mean not enough rhymes for my liking and your other style is more straight-forward hip hop. By no means am I saying it's wack, of course it's not. I don't know bro maybe if I heard it I'll think otherwise but you've been holding on to this love concept for a while now, it's becoming a phase and you already know how I feel about love songs. Goes through one ear and out the other. Your vocab is nice though. Btw: Zu, you there? come back.

Thanks, bro. Appreciate the comment. Hit me up with something, I need a concept/collab request to do my other style. Currently, the minute I pick up a pen, this is all what I can write about, lol.

[Atone]

At first i didn't like, it wasn't rhymin, i almost clicked a diff thread, but i kept readin, and eventually it peiced together, parts of it flow real good, i love it, but other parts don't flow well cyz it's missing a rhyme, i stilol like this tho, put a nice beat to it and i'm sure you could pull off an audio, would love to hear one

[JFthunder1]

Nice one i like it