Lifes a Dream - Sweet_Tooth

[BigBoss]

Still no chorus, I have no clue what to put for it. There's a couple things I wrote but idk yet. Give me feed back on it so I can improve, kudos


Verse 1
In my heart I got a malady,
cause reality has been really been kickin the shit out of me with brutality,
and my family ain't been helpin cause in my heart all they are is a fuckin cavity,
I can't wait till I'm gone livin in my own damn isolated municipality,
livin life full of depravity's,
But untill then lifes causin me huge fuckin calamity's,
givin me a low self sense of vanity,
which is why I'm customed to a high level of profanity,
I don't see a inanity if we all just gonna die anyway what's the point of makin a life long strategy,
Hell, maybe I'll visit Italia and check out The Cinque Terre, and get a Bella Italiano donna to marry me,
but that ain't gonna happen, cause this is all just a dream...


Verse 2

Yea, when I had the fall she wasn't there to be my supporting wall,
She made me wallow my sorrow in a bottle of fuckin ethanol,
When I was slowed to a crawl she was spendin my money at the damn mall,
Feelin like I was on my sepulchraul she couldn't even bother with a fuckin call,
All she ever did was make me feel gall,
Lust is the only thing that kept me as her fuckin thrall,
But damn I can't believe I was another stupid fish to get caught in her trawl,
If she could see me now, flowin like a waterfall,
See, one day my mind stopped with a squall,
And I decided it was time to several,
She wasn't worth it at all,
With her I felt cold and short like fall,
But now I see more clearly cause now I'm standing tall...


Verse 3

Yea i stood up above the clouds,
and looked down upon the crowds,
these mothafuckas don't know what it meens to be proud,
its like life handed me lemons and I made apple juice, they screamed HOW?!,
if they could see what I've gone'n'been through they'd say "WOW!,
How the hell did someone like that get to where he is now?",
Its simple, me and the devil made vows,
He said if I gave him my soul he'd give me an endow,
Now I have the force of a how-,
Itzer, now everyday for me is in the middle of winter,
Devil stole my soul like a ginger,
Yet I'm comin out the victor,
Now I'm wrappin my icy fingers around Life like a boa constrictor,
Thanks to the only person who helped me, my sister,
I can't believe she's puttin me through college to make somethin of whatever the fuck I am, go-figure

[BigBoss]

@menzo yea relatively new, haha thanks

@geno, yea its kinda hard tryna think of good rhyming words when your doin personal stuff. . I'm workin on this next one that's REALALYYY based on concepts, how it was growin up in my house with my parents

[Yah-hah]

I had the same kind of problem flow-wise because of really long lines. If you look at my pieces I have longrr than normal rhymes but use multis or innrr rhymes to help keep thr rhythm. Basically I can kinda tell you're coming from more of a poetic writin background like I did. I think its a hell of alot easier to make your rhyming/flow better than tryin to improve puttin emotion into iy, which is ehat you do very well. Jist keep writing to work out the kinks. Very good job tho keep at it