Remember the Name

[WakeUpShow]

INSTRUMENTAL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBseRuN3CbA

One day the whole world will remember my name
From when they put me down, stomped me out, dis-embered my flame
Said I wouldn't be shit and I had to prove em wrong
With the jagged words I spit and you're hearing through the song
I'll work like hell cause that's how I was raised
I won't stop short till they bow and they praise
Till they cower in pain, I'll raise hell with the best
Nonchalantly say, "Put that belt with the rest"
Get out of my way or taste my fist and my dust
My focus is forward, and my mission is up
I'll start a revolution, and it's one with a purpose
I've got a passion pit of flames boiling under the surface
Remember my face or my name
Either way you'll be looking up while I'm tasting my fame


http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=117936

[WakeUpShow]

bump

[classthe_king]

First of all, why do you have an obsession with not finishing the verse

Next, you didn't have enough syllables in this whole part

I'll work like hell cause that's how I was raised
I won't stop short till they bow and they praise
Till they cower in pain, I'll raise hell with the best
Nonchalantly say, "Put that belt with the rest"
Get out of my way or taste my fist and my dust
My focus is forward, and my mission is up

and in this part

Remember my face or my name
Either way you'll be looking up while I'm tasting my fame

Your flow is either going to be so slow that it comes off awkward or it will be full of so many stops and pauses it will ruin it. I would also take out the "and" and "I" from

With the jagged words I spit and you're hearing through the song

and make it

With the jagged words spit you're hearing through the song

It'll make that part smoother. Lyrically it was pretty nice, your multis were smooth and sounded great.

[WakeUpShow]

I had a 16 and then clicked something that made me lose it. I couldn't remember 2 bars so I figured I shouldn't use fillers. As for the flow part I took alot of time debating whether to add a word or two and whether it would help or hinder it. I couldn't decide so I left it as is. Thanks for the feed.

[JamaicanPattlez]

I liked it. Yeah, the loss of two bars confused me a bit, but I think it was pretty good!

[RainMan44]

Pretty good, I liked most of the rhymes. Digging the theme. Good job on the multies, too. At some parts the flow seemed choppy or it either had too many syllables or not enough, but that can be fixed. Overall, pretty good piece

Please feed my "Nothin's Changed" verse that should be up in about 20 minutes or so.

[WakeUpShow]

Pretty good, I liked most of the rhymes. Digging the theme. Good job on the multies, too. At some parts the flow seemed choppy or it either had too many syllables or not enough, but that can be fixed. Overall, pretty good piece

Please feed my "Nothin's Changed" verse that should be up in about 20 minutes or so.

thanks man. will do

[WakeUpShow]

bump..

[ArsheyHaq]

Damn, I thought I gave this feedback but I must've forgot.

Anywho, I like that you're changing up your style/trying different things. The punchline stuff is great, but I knew you were capable of more And I agree with what Class said, because...well, he's Class and I'm sure he knows what he's talking about hehe I loved the beginning, but it did get a little redundant after a while I think you should've elaborated more on the topic by talking about different things or being more threatening/Cosh-like lol This piece is old anyway though, so I don't know why I'm telling you this stuff haha From the looks of your new stuff, looks like you've caught on. Oh, yeah, pleaseee make your drops longer lol I always feel somewhat unsatisfied afterwards