A little bit of something I wrote last night-

[Mr Change]

This is just the second verse of something I wrote like last night, basically just playing around with words and trying to rhyme and tell a story at the same time
supposed to sound sorta like an older Eminem song(2001ish?)

Tell me how I could improve!


Alright so what, I gotta bit off course
But I can’t help if my father taught me no remorse
He just grew up doin chores, so I use brute force
To tackle my obstacles, what about yours?
He’s in a hospital? Of course, well that don’t surprise me
I was just there a minute ago, ripped out his IV
And needled him with H, do you get me?
Can you convict me, no you can’t
Go ahead and evict me, I can pitch a tint
Why dontcha’ just hit me with a flame, then throw me the flint
That way I would be on fire, aswell as start it!
‘Cause I could care less if you get offended
We should speak less and just start to pretend it
*whispers*...Hmm?
Did you read my lips kid? I said I hate pretendin'!
Why pretend when you can just rape some women?
And be safe with it, aim at the face with it?
I ain’t kiddin’, you don’t even gotta hit second base with it!




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[JamaicanPattlez]

I can picture Eminem's MMLP voice here, especially in the beginning. I found it a bit scatted, but nice work! Feedback on mine?

[Mr Change]

Thanks man that's definitely what I was going for

And sure I will