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Daubigny's Garden

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Daubigny's Garden

Postby Maybe » Aug 16th, '11, 02:13

Removed for recording and editing.
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classthe_king wrote:
If you and Siinide don't start recording soon I'm going to fly to where ever you live, tie you up, put the mic in front of your faces and force you to record.
Bronies: Kez, Yoshi, Slimm, Satire, Block, Xray, Dr3, Killa, VenomBlackViper, C.R.E.A.M, SWEET_TOOTH, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie & all the citizens of Ponyville.
EG. wrote:and i dont even like hot dog
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Re: Daubigny's Garden

Postby SliK » Aug 16th, '11, 03:08

Dope man, this flowed really well and your rhymes were very obvious. I don't mean obvious as in predictable but more like very clear and noticable. A lot of people (myself too sometimes) can stretch rhymes a little far and it just doesnt quite work. This piece reminds me a lot of a guy named Bliss, from an Aussie Hip Hop act called Bliss n Eso (Bliss is American though) and he is very metaphor heavy with dope rhymes. I actually think you would like him if you wanted to check their stuff out. Art House Audio is a good example of what I mean.

Anyway I also like that you made a song. I've been trying to get a whole cohesive song written but its hard for me to to come up with hooks. I can't think of catchy tunes, or raelly anything I would want repeated throughout the song if that makes sense... Only (sometimes) dope rhymes.
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Re: Daubigny's Garden

Postby Maybe » Aug 17th, '11, 01:41

Thanks for the comment man. I agree, it's difficult, that's why I try to concentrate on content most of all. Sometimes it comes out catchy, but mostly it doesn't.
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classthe_king wrote:
If you and Siinide don't start recording soon I'm going to fly to where ever you live, tie you up, put the mic in front of your faces and force you to record.
Bronies: Kez, Yoshi, Slimm, Satire, Block, Xray, Dr3, Killa, VenomBlackViper, C.R.E.A.M, SWEET_TOOTH, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie & all the citizens of Ponyville.
EG. wrote:and i dont even like hot dog
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Re: Daubigny's Garden

Postby MikeNUFC » Aug 18th, '11, 18:22

You have a way of crafting words that makes the emotion of the piece stand out so much - you can get a feel of a delivery just by reading it. That first line just sets up the whole thing beautifully - although it could be seen as cliche, the ending makes it unique, twisting the phrase. The rhyming was great and the structure was really nice.

The only thing that didn't quite fit for me was the Hitler/Versaille line. It's a fine similie, just seems out of place
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Re: Daubigny's Garden

Postby Maybe » Aug 21st, '11, 07:53

Thanks bro, I appreciate the comment. :y:
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classthe_king wrote:
If you and Siinide don't start recording soon I'm going to fly to where ever you live, tie you up, put the mic in front of your faces and force you to record.
Bronies: Kez, Yoshi, Slimm, Satire, Block, Xray, Dr3, Killa, VenomBlackViper, C.R.E.A.M, SWEET_TOOTH, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie & all the citizens of Ponyville.
EG. wrote:and i dont even like hot dog
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Re: Daubigny's Garden

Postby EyeSpick » Aug 21st, '11, 08:09

I read this but never fed it. Any critique on this would have to be personal taste. The mechanics are beautiful and the rhymes are original. My creative writing teacher actually brought up these paintings and I got to be the smart kid because I already knew what they were so props on that. I know people say it all the time but I really would like to hear new music from you, if not only to see the difference between your old stuff and this.
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EminemBase wrote:Of course nothing is ever 100%, no questions asked absolute. We can't even prove we're not in fact living in a dream for example and aren't in fact the imaginations of some 'other selves' far far away. But that doesn't make the chances 50/50 like a fucking coin toss.
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Re: Daubigny's Garden

Postby Clarky » Aug 21st, '11, 13:18

You've got a wicked way of puttin words together mate and like Mike said can tell what the delivery would sound like.

This getting recorded?
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Re: Daubigny's Garden

Postby Solace » Aug 21st, '11, 20:23

Speaking of your project with Block, when is it coming? Is there a specific beat you wrote this to or what, cause I'd rather imagine it with the beat behind it considering I know what your voice sounds like (at least what it used to sound like). I loved how the bridge led into the hook with the "was a".

an artist with his canvas,
paints the line between his loneliness and "only here to lend a fist",
(a pessimist), a reason just to bother with the feedback,
digress in to a fetish that could cause another re-lapse...
(re-lax)


I really enjoyed this, I could imagine it being pulled off so well. I had to Google to find the Wheatfield with Crows, interesting way you pulled that line off. Also, I had to Google the title to get it...You know I don't know shit about paintings or art in general. Usually I can't stand it when things are referenced like shit in poetry/rap. But that was really good. I didn't like the Hitler/Versailles thing, but as EyeSpick said it's the personal taste that I don't like when things aren't pulled off that great. I probably would have left that out if I were you, but no one else seems to have a problem with it. I like the way you ended it. Really, well done. No complaints aside from the Hitler line. I'll be waiting for some tracks. :worship:
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Re: Daubigny's Garden

Postby Maybe » Aug 22nd, '11, 04:26

Thanks man. The reason I wouldn't bother changing anything here is because even though I might record it, I have no plans for this song as I don't like it enough (or find it to be good enough) for anything other than a throwaway.

I do appreciate the comment, though. :b:
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classthe_king wrote:
If you and Siinide don't start recording soon I'm going to fly to where ever you live, tie you up, put the mic in front of your faces and force you to record.
Bronies: Kez, Yoshi, Slimm, Satire, Block, Xray, Dr3, Killa, VenomBlackViper, C.R.E.A.M, SWEET_TOOTH, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie & all the citizens of Ponyville.
EG. wrote:and i dont even like hot dog
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