The Baby

[Blu]

Went all out for a storytelling piece this time. Tell me what you think.

Yo, this is a story of when I hung out by Trudy's bar
Chewed some gum and snuck into this cuties car
Took a good 5 minutes before she got out the bar
Headed straight to her truck, when I had to duck
Under the seat, and plunder the treat
Cuz I ain't leavin' without some good money
And this job's complete, that's when things turned funny
She reaches behind her seat for a pack of cigs
When she see's me, red eyes, like I'ma attack her quick
Reached for the hand and snapped it
Grabbed her by the throat and began to choke her
That's when I begin to notice her belly
Shit looked like it was stuffed with a watermelon
This chick is pregnant, and I'm chokin' her to death
A dick of resentment, struck me, soakin' in her breath
I couldn't give this baby a chance, at first glance
My mind was rushing, all I could think of, was the baby I was crushing
Hop out the car, that's when I got caught
Three cop cars, and only one thing I thought..


The baby. Damn.

[ArsheyHaq]

This was decent. The rhymes were pretty nice at times, but why do you choose not to complete your rhyme schemes? Like after the "under the seat"/"plunder her treats" rhyme you should've carried that rhyme over to the next bar instead if beginning a new rhyme. As for your story-telling skills, they're good and you progress the story well, but the ending was lackluster. You should consider rewriting that part.