Running on Empty

[Words]

One of my first pieces

No energy cause I'm running on empty.
E that meter reads so, I guess I need to rhyme something really elite.
Read em and weep,
my whole life's story read back to me.
As ink bleeds through sheets of notebook paper,
all my thoughts disapeer like water vapor.
Not easy to lead when you stuck in the back,
Impossibly impossible when popularity is lacked.
It's evident to me facebook friends aren't friendly friends to Casey.
If this were the case, I'd have exactly 3.
Wait fuck that, I'd probably just have me.
Whenever I'm needed, I'm called on
Whenever I need, you're all long gone
That's exactly why Words says so long
Cause Ultimately I know, you're in the ultimate wrong
Don't get these meanings of these words in my song?
Then they're probably about you and not in that good tone
Take a dunce cap-cone, put it on your damn head
because if I deserve jack shit, you deserve something less

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[Words]

Please provide a link to a post proving that you gave feedback to someone else and include it with your piece. Refusal to do so may result in a warning.

And I'll feed it after you do that.

I would.....if I knew how....I'm kinda fail like that

I figured it out:D

[Sam.]

This is the type of shit that I used to write when I started to write years ago ,so I know where you're coming from .

The verse is really not that Impressive looks more like random lines put together ,but yet you manged to put some good thoughts in them .

But also there are a lot of Grammatical errors in this ,you need to see to this .


Keep writing and there is something that i keep on saying to every one is read & study Poetry ,it helped me a lot .It taught me how to put all my thought properly in an line / verse without making that piece full of long bars .

"Practice Makes A Man Perfect"

[M&M59]

Don't get these meanings of these words in my song?
Then they're probably about you and not in that good tone
Take a dunce cap-cone, put it on your damn head
because if I deserve jack shit, you deserve something less

i liked this part, reminded me a little bit about eminems 8 mile road.

but good shit bro, keep at it.

[Words]

Thank you for the feedback guys