Abduction?

[Mr.DGAF]

Just continuing to try new stuff, this one's a little out there. Oh well.


I've got a story for you guys that you won't ever fathom
Walking out all by myself when the illest shit ever happened
I'd never imagine that when I left my house I'd be abducted
Saw some creepy little people on a ship that they constructed
They said fuck it, grabbed me by my legs and hauled me on a ship
I called to quit, but they kept pulling me into the dark abyss
Now I'm pissed they'll never free me so I kick them till I'm old
Woke up cold and dreary feeling like a guy had hit me hard
Choking throat and teary, illing while I try and get free arms
Though I hoped they'd hear me, still I cry "man quit, please God"
I freeze in awe, how could I know that these guys went to get a probe
They strip my robe and piece my lobe, I scream with pain you'll never know
I pray and scream, they claim it's odd, there is no God as it would seem
I scheme to leave and reach a peak, fell outta bed from my alien dream


Feed: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=131191

[Sam.]

You seriously need to work on the rhyming mate because it ruined the whole story that you told.Some of the words didn't even Rhyme properly like these

ow I'm pissed they'll never free me so I kick them till I'm old
Woke up cold and dreary feeling like a guy had hit me hard
Choking throat and teary, illing while I try and get free arms
Though I hoped they'd hear me, still I cry "man quit, please God"

I think your using an accent to do this & if you are then best of luck because I coudn't.

One more thing don't repeat words twice if that's not your end Rhyme like this one.

They strip my robe and piece my lobe, I scream with pain you'll never know

Looks like they are Rhyming but that's really some forced shit.

Chk my track with Spyder and do leave detailed feed.

[Mr.DGAF]

Thanks for the feed Sam. I honestly knew this was crap, and I'm dissapointed in how it came out but I figured I'd post it anyway for some reason. I'm in the middle of a massive writer's block, and I was attempting to write my way out of it with this one. As you can tell, it failed, and a lot of this piece is just plain bad, and I acknowledge that. I think I'ma just write my way out of it on the dl from now on, and once I get some true inspiration, I'll drop that.

And yeah, I'll feed your piece homie, gimme a hot minute.