Who I Am [SNIPPET]

[Blu]

I had a dream once that I was in God's hands
He let the steam pump and let me know not to take commands
And that I just should begin leading my own life
And that my wrists shouldn't be bleeding from my own knife
But, I guess this is what happens when you stop givin' a shit
And you wake up and you realize that maybe you're livin' a bit
And my rhymes are for the spirtual, it would take a miracle
For me to get knocked off the pedestal, they should call me Obi Wan Lyrical
You can get rocked off so here we go, get the joke "only one lyrical"?
Pacing down the street, they can call me a man of glocks
I just went to Italy and murdered my girlfriend, guess you can call me Amanda Knox

Still workin' on this piece, just posted her for some early criticism and to know I've already posted it so I don't forget in the future.

[JamaicanPattlez]

MUCH better than your last drop! My thoughts are to improve what you've got to perfect your flow is to add and remove some words. For example...

I'm pacing down the street, they can call me a man of glocks,
In Italy and killed my girl, guess I'm Amanda Knox.

Course, the rhyming structure needs work, but you're definitely improving.

[Sam.]

Shorten the Bars,use phrases to say thing in short instead of long lines.Work on the flow & Rhyme Scheme.

Lol ! Pretty much everything.

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=131175

Do I hve to tell you what it is .