Fuck You PT.1

[Atone]

long story short, before i got to Florida me and this girl who i knew for 20 years were gonna hook up, i get to florida, she changed ALOT

she stopped talkin to me, ended up dating some guy, and even recently tried suicide, last night in the limo she barly said 2 words to me, even when we was sittin in the house waitin for the limo she acted like i wasn't there, i'm tired of her acting the way she is, so i wrote this verse, which i intend to be on an actual song, the full song will not be about her, just this verse will be subliminally taking shots at her, but i'm sure she will know it's about her.

(Verse)
No more mr. nice guy, sorry but he had to die
you pushed em off the edge, no need to even cry
i'm back and i'm heartless, smackin ya retarded
so sick of the garbage, so this is the departed
mr. sick in the head, leave you hidin in ya closet
with the shit bein said you might wanna pause it
play it again, god dammit tony lost it
blame yourself for sayin them things
be mad cuz you was playin them games
you threw the lightning when i was playin in rain
fucked with my head so now i'm layin in shame
came back to spit a verse and ya spray ya the pain
and just know that feelings will be hurt as true as i flow
and i should be careful what i say since your suicidle
wouldn't wanna end up in your suicide note
about how i caused you to swallow that pill
but really i'm askin, how does it feel
knowin that when we talked, i was so real
when you was lyin ya ass of, now i shoot for the kill



Link of Feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=131895&p=1785514#p1785514

[mdemaz]

Storytelling element was cool, but you were lacking a lot of rhymes in there..
I was having trouble with the syllables, yeah they don't gotta be exact but a huge difference can throw you off beat.
Just a heads up.