The Next Slim Shady

[Jdubem]

Haha seemed like a good title for this little piece I wrote.

Yo you wanna know what it feels like when I rhyme
Like I can do anything with it, put these raps on a dime
Cause Im something like slim shady in his prime
Yeah Im talking pre relapse, thats before encore
This the marshall mathers lp, this aint recovery
Yeah like em in his prime I got a guilty conscience
And a mind that stays filthy constant
And right now im thinking of purging all the virgins
As im converging on your preachers favorite sermon
To tell him to shut the fuck up and cut the bullshit
Cause for real it feels like I preach more truth when I spit
And I would never try and call myself Gods preacher
Im just hip hops newest ill white boy feature
But im barely fucking human, a crazy deranged creature
I cant even control me, I go off on a killing spree thats me having a seizure
I dont even need a real reason, I'll do that shit just for leisure

viewforum.php?f=24

[Sam.]

Yeah Im talking pre relapse, thats before encore
This the marshall mathers lp, this aint recovery



The Next Slim Shady ?
I don't think so.Except for the last 4 lines the flow was off on most of the verse tbh.Work on the technicalities bruh ,IDK what more to see.

[mdemaz]

Needs a lot of work man..
You got the right attitude, but you need to work on the flow and lyrical structure.

I cant even control me, I go off on a killing spree thats me having a seizure

Unless your shorter bars were being rapped very slowly, you are going to have a lot of trouble saying that and staying on beat.
You gotta count syllables so each bar will flow the same.
They don't need to be the exact amount of syllables for each bar, because that would be a pain in the ass to do, but as long as you are able to stay on beat and flow smoothly, it's all good.

[Jdubem]

Yeah when I wrote it I was thinking speeding up and slowing down my voice. I think I got it alright except for the last few bars. That second to last line causes me problems for sure. Thanks for the feed guys.

[JamaicanPattlez]

I couldn't flow to it well tbh. Rhyming caught me off too. Keep working hard.

[Spyder]

exactly what sam said, some lines didnt even rhyme which threw off the flow immensely

[Jdubem]

Yeah on a couple of these I tried to just rhyme words within the same bar without connecting the 2 bars with rhymes. I did the same with this verse that I just wrote not realizing that it thows off the flow. I guess thats generally frowned upon?