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Under the Crimson Sun (Dystopian Novel)

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Under the Crimson Sun (Dystopian Novel)

Postby Words » Nov 3rd, '11, 16:01

I am writing a 10,000 word novel during the month of November (rough draft, we can polish until the end of January) for my English class. This is an excerpt from the rough draft, let me know if you'd like me to post the rest when it's finished.
Let me know what you think. :wave:

Not sure if feedback really applies to this, different genres of writing, but just to be safe here's link of feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=133144

(This is how the book opens, before Chapter 1, I placed a scene from the end of the book. The hero, Ben Jackson, is looking out over Crimson City- from the ruins of the newly raided government building after a "successful" campaign against an oppressive Totalitarian reign over the city. His friend, and fellow freedom fighter, Hookshot stands near his side as they look at the chaos that has erupted in the streets because of the campaign)

Forward-

There I stood on the brink, starring into the abyss of humanity. What we had been fighting for, could it all have been a lie? With the events that have transpired, I wish this were not reality. But I know that this is the real world. My eyes pain my heart to no end, but I know this harsh reality to be the truth. I fell to one knee as I looked over the chaos I’d brought to Crimson City. Hookshot saw my despair and offered some sort of encouragement.

“It’s over Ben, it’s finally over. We’re safe now, we can-“

“No, it is not over. Until the citizens of Crimson City can walk the streets safely, and not be walking through a warzone…the chaos I’ve created in my wake, my mission will not be over. Until every man woman and child can look into my eyes and know that they are finally free from the grips of evil and fear, my mission will continue.” I interrupted Hookshot, though I’d think it would be good to be positive in times such as these, I had no interest in such false words. They were hollow and sounded as if spoken into a vacuum.

“My mission must continue, even if I must do it alone, I will be damned before I quit. I will bring peace to the people!” I looked back at Hook, who weighed my words on his mind, thinking about what I’ve said. I could see it in his face; the way he looked towards his feet, rifle uneasily resting beneath his palm, my words rung true. After a few moments of silence; Grunt, Hardwire and a few other freedom fighters entered the room. Hook threw his rifle across his shoulders, resting his arms upon it and asked,

“So, when do we move out?”

I looked back at him and the others battered by the long campaign, yet still a defiant look in their eyes. They were ready to follow me into the furnace, which was a good thing…it’s where we were headed next.

“Hardwire- radio for evac. We move, Under the Crimson Sun.”
Last edited by Words on Nov 4th, '11, 15:32, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Under the Crimson Sun (Dystopian Novel)

Postby Words » Nov 3rd, '11, 16:14

Geno wrote:Feedback applies to everything. If you want us to comment on your work, you better have a link of feed. It's mandatory when posting in this section, as well as the Audio / Production sections.

And this isn't really directed at you. Just in general. I know you provided a link. :wave:


Thanks for clearing that up, I posted one because I was pretty sure that was the case.
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Re: Under the Crimson Sun (Dystopian Novel)

Postby Sam. » Nov 3rd, '11, 20:27

Looks like it talks about struggle to get things right ,post the whole thing man.
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Re: Under the Crimson Sun (Dystopian Novel)

Postby Words » Nov 3rd, '11, 21:20

Sam. wrote:Looks like it talks about struggle to get things right ,post the whole thing man.

When it's finished, not quite done
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Re: Under the Crimson Sun (Dystopian Novel)

Postby Mr.DGAF » Nov 4th, '11, 20:16

This is good man. There was one typo I found, I'll quote it in a sec. But the wording you used, along with descriptions, was really good. I'm trying to have a future in writing, so I've tried broadening my horizon a lot. But yeah, when you get done with this man, if nothing else, pm it to me. I'll gladly read it.
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Re: Under the Crimson Sun (Dystopian Novel)

Postby Words » Nov 15th, '11, 04:57

UPDATE: Novel has just passed 5000 words. I should easily make 10,000 by the end of the month. After a week to proofread the novel, I will be posting the rest. I had a few question as far as posting goes, maybe somebody can help me with them. :unsure:
1) Since it is a large piece, a 10,000 word novel, how many links of feed do I need when posting?
2) Should I post as one large post? Or post in smaller sections? (i.e 1 chapter/post)
3) If posting each chapter seperately should I provide a link of feed for each chapter?
Sorry if this wasn't the right place for the questions, I didn't know where else to put them out there and this thread seemed like a good place.
I will have the novel up as soon as it is ready, thank you. :y:
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