What's Beef?

[Blu]

One verse. Kinda pissed at this faggot, so I decided to write something.
Here ya go.

I never claimed to be, some famous G
A nameless MC, but you're just a brainless E
You keep hating me, you're debating see?
Whether you can keep on waiting G
But you know deep down inside, us two will beef
Hope you can sleep tonight, I lied, you're a fuckin' queef
If I asked for a real battle, I would wanna feel rattled
Shit I'm embattled, if you wanna throw steel, lets tattle!
If you think you can talk about my private life
Then don't be scared when I strike at night with this knife
This ain't no fucking Twitter beef, you're just a quitter, grief
Keep crying, that's all you know how to do
You ain't a fucking man, you're too scared to bash fists
But I swear when I'm done with you, you'll probably wanna slash wrists
And please, don't even bother coming back
Shit, maybe you can finally go back to becoming crap!
But when I see you, I swear every law I'm violating
But don't think that I wrote this with every pupil dilating
You're an immature prick, your kind makes me sick!

FEED: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=133628

[Mr.DGAF]

This is the best I've seen from you man. The multies were pretty good, the first four lines were my favorite in that regard. My only suggestion for this is to watch your muli placement. The last line shouldn't start a new scheme, one that differs from the line above it, ya know?

Sometimes the rhyming went kinda simple, like the beef with queef and such. The verse has some inconsistencies, but it's an improvement on what you've been writing, which is all you can ask for. Just keep knocking them out man, you're getting better.

[autotooner]

Overall it sounds pretty good. I like the first few lines where you used the letters for part of the rhyme. It woulda been really cool to see that taken a little further, maybe made into a punchline or something.

Either way, it was a good piece bro, keep up the good work.

[JamaicanPattlez]

I liked it man. I felt the energy. Keep it up!

[Words]

Not usually a big fan of beef pieces, but this was great. The multies you used were fantastic and it made the piece flow very nicely. It was lyrically a good piece, pretty much a good job all around.
The only thing I can really say critically is about this part right here:

This ain't no fucking Twitter beef, you're just a quitter, grief
Keep crying, that's all you know how to do
You ain't a fucking man, you're too scared to bash fists

It disrupted the flow just a little bit there, at least the way I was reading it. Other than that flow, lyricism, structure was good though.

[Spyder]

flowed nice, only thing i can say is step up vocab and complexity of a rhyme scheme or how you flow it really. you rhymed just two letters. G E and G again. thats not really clever. your grasping the idea of multies and inners but you need to strive to not be repetitive and creative

[Blu]

Not usually a big fan of beef pieces, but this was great. The multies you used were fantastic and it made the piece flow very nicely. It was lyrically a good piece, pretty much a good job all around.
The only thing I can really say critically is about this part right here:

This ain't no fucking Twitter beef, you're just a quitter, grief
Keep crying, that's all you know how to do
You ain't a fucking man, you're too scared to bash fists

It disrupted the flow just a little bit there, at least the way I was reading it. Other than that flow, lyricism, structure was good though.

I think Words is my new favorite member.. haha Thanks man!

Man.. but yo, I knew that line would disrupt everything. I had a feeling it would.. But thanks anyway G.

flowed nice, only thing i can say is step up vocab and complexity of a rhyme scheme or how you flow it really. you rhymed just two letters. G E and G again. thats not really clever. your grasping the idea of multies and inners but you need to strive to not be repetitive and creative

I know, I'm working on the vocab. Reading the dictionary every night.

All right, thanks man, I appreciate the feed.