Change is shit. [New style test]

[J.R.]

[Feed]
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=138659

[Beat]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rr23yuQr0Cg

[Intro]
You've changed. Went from nice to guy to asshole. Welcome to my world. All those times you judged me..? Fuck you.

[Verse ]
Yo, I'm sick of this fucking hoe,
Went from a friend to that fag I used to know,
i'm glad your gone even though,
I'm sad when you bag on my rag's and my clothes,
You think it's bad now? Just wait til me and you have to go,
and I'ma woop your ass for free, Calling this a show
but let's just talk for a minute, I know you did it,
I know you changed, I know you hurt her, and now you're fucking finished.
Even when I'm losing the fight, you know I'm winning,
Cause I'm right, so if you lost why keep on hitting?
Fuck it, anyone want a shot? I'll start the bidding.
So when you used to think I wasn't very nice,
I was enticed to kick your ass,
Used to think of you as a threat, now you just a laugh,
Bitches, welcome to this new style of rap.

[Man1x]

[Feed]
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=138659

[Beat]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rr23yuQr0Cg

[Intro]
You've changed. Went from nice to guy to asshole. Welcome to my world. All those times you judged me..? Fuck you.

[Verse ]
Yo, I'm sick of this fucking hoe,
Went from a friend to that fag I used to know,
i'm glad your gone even though,
I'm sad when you bag on my rag's and my clothes,
You think it's bad now? Just wait til me and you have to go,
and I'ma woop your ass for free, Calling this a show
but let's just talk for a minute, I know you did it,
I know you changed, I know you hurt her, and now you're fucking finished.
Even when I'm losing the fight, you know I'm winning,
Cause I'm right, so if you lost why keep on hitting?
Fuck it, anyone want a shot? I'll start the bidding.
So when you used to think I wasn't very nice,
I was enticed to kick your ass,
Used to think of you as a threat, now you just a laugh,
Bitches, welcome to this new style of rap.

Definity an improvement brother, it took my a while to think of how you placed it on the beat however though. Good shit, keep improving from this point. Just work on increasing multi size (which isn't needed) if you feel like it, improve your topic, and a keep consistent structure and you'll be golden.
Good flow bro.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Hmm... decent, but needs tweaking. Beat was good, definitely an improvement, just needs to be perfected. Content, I liked. Keep it up bro.

[J.R.]

Thanks guys. Will tighten Structure, Flow, and Multies. this piece was done like this because as you know I needed to start writing to beats and I was having problems with my flow going from slow to fast due to not writing on a beat.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Feed? viewtopic.php?f=24&t=142493

[J.R.]

Feed? viewtopic.php?f=24&t=142493

Will tomorrow bro, gotta study just checkin in at the moment. Thanks again guys.

[SG.]

Finally checking this out after you PMed me.

It's definitely an improvement. Honestly though, those multis need to be sorted out. But keep striving for perfection, you'll get closer and closer.