Fly Away

[Atone]

The original version of this was written and recorded to Nelly's track "Fly Away" from the Longest Yard soundtrack, exept i re-did the chorus, and made the song in the style as if i was dead already

that version has since been deleted, cuz in it i spoke about how i have no ill feelings toward my ex, although i still do, and felt like, if the song was going to be in the style of my last words, i would want my true feelings in that song.

this is just the 1st part, not written to any set beat, i was listening to Drake when i wrote it lmao


(Verse)
Lookin in the glass, conversations with my reflection
Lookin in the past, Observations of my Direction
Things i gotta ask, Contemplations of my ejection
what am i doin? where am i goin? i don't know anymore
who am i? what is this? why can't i just close the door?
things get rough, but i'm always comin back for more
refuse to give up, i tell myself never stop breathin
i'm lookin for the reason's, searchin til i see them
til the end i aint leaven- i got somethin to believe in
writin lyrical stories, fightin for my freedom
my spiritual glory, fightin away the demons
The devil tryin his hardest but i try harder
i will win regardless cuz i aim to go farther
i keep movin i got no time to borrow
i treat every day as if i was gone tomorrow
remember me as somebody who gave it his best
in memory when they finally lay me to rest
whenever my last novemeber be, arms folded on my chest
a soldier at war with life's problems
i never hid from the enemy i always tried to solve em
and just play my music as the world stays revolvin

(Chorus)
Mama don't cry when i fly away
it's ok just look to the sky and pray
smile as you wave goodbye as i close my eye's today
let me spread my wing's and fly away

Link Of Feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146398&p=1930029#p1930029

[J.R.]

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=145983 lmao (different songs but I know, just found that funny)

Anywho, that's a good piece ya got there. Rhyming's getting better. some parts dont make sense but your flow and structure fit better too. keep it up.

[Mr.DGAF]

The rhyming is pretty dang good but I feel like you, in parts, sacrificed coherency for the rhymes. The first three lines in particular stood out to me.

[tadpole25]

It is well structured, but perhaps too well structured.
You never change up the pattern, add some interesting
multies, or try to rhyme more than 2 times per line.

Overall, pretty good though.

[Atone]

http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=145983 lmao (different songs but I know, just found that funny)

Anywho, that's a good piece ya got there. Rhyming's getting better. some parts dont make sense but your flow and structure fit better too. keep it up.

Lol never realised you had one with the same name

[gtrevwilson]

Good work! Really like the first three bars you got.

[Just Silver]

i really liked this one starts off sort of like a poem and then flows nicely

Really liked the beginning basically sets the reader up to get ready to search for the syllables

[Doodlebug]

This piece has alot of depth.

Talks of lives hard long walk and how sometimes you must fight to move fowards one step, and get knocked back to.