"Brotherly Love" ( Story Telling Verse)

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

What up guys, havent been to active lately, got a job at a golf course and have been working my ass off
every day besides weekends, anyways I have had the first verse for a while and just finished the second verse of it.
Hope you guys enjoy!

LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146785

BEAT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfMLxZ2XEAk


Verse-
Alone in the dark suddenly became paralyzed
looking at me was an angels pair of eyes
I nearly cried I saw my brother bear a knife
Icould barely rise but said damn it wasnt fair ya died
He said you were by my side I've come to spare ya life
You've got demons in your brain I'll repaire your mind
Just be strong clear ya eyes and prepare to fight
cant be scared to strike lets get started
My eyes were going black cause my head is haunted
Tristen looked at me and saw the devils taunting
My skull was possed he put a blessing on it
It happened so fast the demons emmerced
with shrapnel and glass speaking a curse
shit it just turned out they were reading my verse
I really was posessed and evilness lurked
They came at me again seizing my shirt
So tristen lit this beam and it burst
leaving these beasts bleeding and hurt
so he finished them off beat em and smerked
and said thats it we defeated the worst.

Hook-You saved my life its brotherly love
and payed the price I cant love you enough
I know without you its gonna be tough
Youll stay on my mind and run through my blood
till the day i die and I'm up in your hood
and the pain at night is done with for good!

Verse 2-

I thought it was over till I saw a huge figure
He rose up and said my name is Lucifer
I sent some minions to take over your brain
That's the closest we came I focused the hate
you wrote on a page it was supposed to be fate
I said "Fuck you" I'll open the gates
to the broken place and blow it away
Tristen chimed in and said No you cant
you'll be inside trapped
About that time I felt this blind wrath
saw a contract and almost signed it in blood
until I saw this bright light from above
the skys opened up God had come down to fight for the good
He said retreat now or die in the mud
Demons arose casting spells and lying in tongue
evil flowing through it might be a flood
then the angels show whos the mightiest one
When lightning began striking enough
to enlighten the skys and frighten them punks
they backed down to hell crying and shook
Heaven celebrated through the night and i sung.

Hook

[Eedee]

Glad you could take the time to write this.

I really liked the rhyme schemes in this; it kept the flow going while having the emotion there.

"Alone in the dark suddenly became paralyzed
looking at me was an angels pair of eyes
I nearly cried I saw my brother bear a knife
Icould barely rise but said damn it wasnt fair ya died
He said you were by my side I've come to spare ya life
You've got demons in your brain I'll repaire your mind
Just be strong clear ya eyes and prepare to fight"

Was probably my favorite part.

[Mr.DGAF]

Good stuff. Obviously you've got your multie game down, no complaints there. Good to see you drop something like this though. A little bit on the serious side and a bit longer than you're previous drops. Your rhyming in this reminded me a bit of Hopsin's overall vibe. The way he rhymes is similar to this piece, and that's definitely a good thing.

[Sam.]

Dope rhymes, specially the inner rhymes were just fantastic. Flow was magnificent. Nice story telling, man. Bars were short and decent. Keep it up.

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

thanks guys! means a lot. It feels good to start rhyming again man I didnt do anything since that Fiasco experiment so I'm still pretty rusty.

[J.R.]

Good story, good rhymes, good flow. Kept me intrigued and I was never bored nor forcing it to flow in my head. That's the sign of a great piece and I'll be damned if this isn't a great piece. I've seen you progress on this site and your damn dope now man, just keep it up.

[Wreck]

This was really dope, enjoyed reading it . The multis were really good, it was a good storytelling concept here, you took your time writing & thinking it out, good job.

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Thanks J.R. and Wreck means a lot!