Stranded On Death Row Verse (first verse in a whiilllleeeee)

[RainMan44]

LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=148038&p=1978497#p1978497

Beat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvqmnSDI ... ce=message

(I know some lines are long and some are short, but this flows perfectly in my head)


(Verse)

You lack rhymes, and pollute the beat with your wack lines
I gotta vicious intent to do damage, I crack spines
They see me in the streets and whisper to they boys, "don't mess with THAAAAT GUUUUYY"
Unless you wanna be left with a BLACK EYEEEE
My raaap style, hittin' harder than ever
I took a couple years off, returned smarter & clever
You can label this the start of an era,
To end the era that been about braggin' 'bout the fuckin' cars & the chedda
You PUSSY MC'S might be PUSHIN' M3'S but you soft as a feather
....God knows that I been longin' to end ya, so hit the bong & whenever
You ready we can go ahead and settle it
...I don't even have to make the fuckin' metal spit
I just hit you with lyrics stronger than
An ex crack addicts urge to pick the pipe back up, 'long as I'm in
The game ya'll motherfuckers gon' be dealin' with a stressful time
To set the mood 'fore I step in the booth, I hit the cess and rhyme

[Spyder]

flowed well
the rhyming here was basic, no scheme or multies that impressed me. nothing made me say damn howd he think of that. some weak punches like 'soft as a feather' and that smarter and clever line didnt make sense.
if it was smarter and more clever... but then that breaks the multi. so dont suffer sense for a multi

but i know this is your first piece in a while so keep at it and get back into the swing of things man

[RainMan44]

Yeah just a quick little verse, nothing too complex. what i am most proud of was the flow though, i feel like im getting to the point where I can command the beat a bit. and yeah that part didn't make sense but i really get irked when i break the multi like you said, fuck it haha

thanks for the feed tho man, i appreciate that

[Mr.DGAF]

I liked it man, good to see you dropping again. Rhymes were pretty cool, I actually liked the feather line. Probably the set up more, I liked the multie set up before that, that's particularly something I've been working on. The flow was nice man, that's the shining point of the piece. It took me a try or two but I got it and it was quite nice. Nice return bruh.

[Eedee]

I really loved the rhymes on this, the first "wack rhyme" scheme was a bit simplistic but other than that, you had some good ones in there.

The only thing I don't like is when you caps lock an internal rhyme scheme. If they're good we'll notice it.

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Nice peice dude! seems pretty simple but flows good and rhymes are consistent at the same time so great job! keep at it!

[Atone]

rhymed decent, matter of fact it rhymed better than most of what i see on here,

My raaap style, hittin' harder than ever
I took a couple years off, returned smarter & clever
You can label this the start of an era,

that was my favorite part, it went so smoothyl

[EvryOnesACrtc]

Yeah just a quick little verse, nothing too complex. what i am most proud of was the flow though

That's pretty much what I feel about this piece. The rhyming was reall clean/smooth too. That's what I like about your work--I never have to bend any words or change annunciation to make your rhymes rhyme haha Post more, I always enjoy reading your pieces

Edit: After a second read, it kind of sounds like something Drake would spit. Idk if you take that as a compliment or not, but I mean it as a flattering statement.

[Sam.]

flowed well
the rhyming here was basic, no scheme or multies that impressed me. nothing made me say damn howd he think of that. some weak punches like 'soft as a feather' and that smarter and clever line didnt make sense.
if it was smarter and more clever... but then that breaks the multi. so dont suffer sense for a multi

but i know this is your first piece in a while so keep at it and get back into the swing of things man

Basically this. First time Spyder saying some thing that I agree with.