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Bars

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Bars

Postby Willy » Sep 16th, '12, 21:39

My penis is so -b-bbig it's the size of a man, call it dick Cheney/
I'm ripped baby, and rip babies, and shit ladies in their mid eighties/
I'm that guy, butt naked in a black tie, the mastermind of rhyme
fuck fakin i'm crazy as fuck/
lazy as ducks, insanely disgusted with big flowers/
they're bitch cowards, i've been picking them out of the ground with my teeth for like six hours/
and my dick's sour, i meant the soup i ate for breakfast, i'll take your necklace and throw it in a lake/
hope you learn to swim motherfucker i tried to fuck your hoe but ended up getting with a rake/
rough sex, I, I , I, have a speech impediment, that transfers to text/
i'll jump out of a plane, and land in a jet/
i'm so dope, people think my punchlines w-w- were a collaborative effort from a bunch of small children suffering from mental diseases/ (fast flow)
did i mention my penis? let's not talk about that, cuz it's too big.
the thought of it alone could sink a cruse ship/
i'll eat a b-b-beat and clean notes out my teeth with tooth picks/
i'm too sick, i call people and scream WHOS THIS!?
My penis has-s-s been blamed for natural disasters/
it is quite large and a sight to behold you should really see it no homo/
i'm tony romo, a lonely b-b-bro so don't go yolo, oh no!!!/
i'm in the club with my guy kevin the five eleven/
rhyming brethren, people wanna start shit well i might just let em/
cuz i'm tough as poop, stuff a jew in a cupboard and leave him there/
then open it up later and get scared when a pile of bones falls to to ground/



Need some feedback, trying to really encapsulate the emotional turmoil caused by manic depression. :y: And for the record, the plot is changing. The story is solid, not changing it. I came correct in that department. Just, idk, idk, ik,,k, :flutter:
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Re: Bars

Postby ShAdYTiLIDie » Sep 16th, '12, 23:00

This needs a LOF.

Rhyming was good but some parts dont make sense, I couldnt get it to flow to a beat but that may just be me, any ways keep it up dude,
"Shady said it Shady meant it, I stay demented, Ill throw a stroller at you, with a baby in it"
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Re: Bars

Postby EvryOnesACrtc » Sep 17th, '12, 03:08

Lmao this was really out there. It was different, in a good way. I liked it. Sometimes it sounded like a wack, lazy freestyle, but then other times you came pretty hard with your punchlines and wordplay. I'm not sure how I feel about it overall lol you should fix up some lines, cuz some don't rhyme. Other than that, keep dropping. I need to see more from you to be able to form an opinion about what I think of this piece.
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