720 Ft. Geno [2418 EP, Track 7]

[J.R.]

* Figured some people might not get this, opposite of an in light= black out. Flip the words, pitch black would be the opposite of light, in the opposite of out.
Blackout would refer to me being not aware and killing her.

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=148038
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5_DK6jy1FU ~ Beat

Yeah, it's the bitch in the post a picture of yourself thread smh. None of this is true smh, for some of you guys.


[Intro]
Yesterday I hung out with you..
You called me your love forever,
promised you'd always be true..
now your out with him..
what did I ever do..
Lie to you?
Nah, I'd never lie to you..
I'd just stick this knife in you!

[Verse 1]
Maybe that'd even be right to do,
"Save me!" you another whore dyin' boo,
haha, don't you like it when I write so crude?
What's wrong, ain't in a fightin' mood?
Too bad! (Table falls on beat) "Why do this baby, I was always true"
Lying ass, it must feel nice knowin I'd never lie to you,
Your back is free of knives, but mine is doomed'
"Shrooms, you've must've taken them out've his bag"
His bag? THIS FAG?! I gave you that sack, you were rags-
crap- before me dear, can't you hear me clear?
"What are you gonna do?!" Wait around til the times right,
take you outside and do the opposite of an in light,*
bring a couple of my guys, and let em squeeze on your fun bags,
"No, lets run Jack!" No boo that, you had your chance bitch,
Take you to my friends, watch em pull out their dicks and ram tits,
Damn bitch, I can hear you whining and crying, why can't you can it?


[Chorus-Geno]
Is there such a thing as love? Some would think it's lust,
Others switch it up, with a definition I'm just sick of what,
This relationship has become, wanna play? You think it's fun?!
YOU BREAK MY HEART, I'LL SPILL YOUR BLOOD, THE PIECES DROPPED, GO PICK 'EM UP,
I'm not gonna live on a whim as a victim, I would bet you,
That a lynched-you would be so cute in my bedroom,
On a pedestal next to my ex, who was hexed too,
What'd I tell you?! GO BEHIND MY BACK AND I'LL KILL YOU,
YOU THINK I'M SICK, BOO? I'MA HIT YOU SO HARD THAT YOUR HEAD MOVES,
INTO HELL'S FUMES SO FUCKIN' FAST YOU'LL BE SWIMMIN' IN THE RIVER STYX'S POOL

[Verse 2]
As I drown you, I relive the memory of us skippin rocks'
Bitch hit me, you wanna get knocked? Take you to the docks,
Push you off and watch you float, its what you get you know,
They may wonder where you went you hoe, I'll tell em you had to go,
at least I'll know I didn't lie like you, And if they catch me, I'm dying true,
But not you, you were always defiant boo. Fuck, now you're crying too?
What, am I gonna have to silence you? I'll make a noose, then you'll be lying blue,
Shoot.. I remember when we were at my house, cuddling and watchin family feud,
And you had his name "Nick" hidden as a girls name "Nikki", ah, how fuckin cute.
Brute? Nah, I'm just sad cause I'm about to lose the best thing I've ever had,
but I guess in life we sometimes have to let go of old shit in order to make a past,
Hey! Get back here cunt, why you running so fast? You can't escape bitch, there is no pass,
HAHA! What, dont like it when I laugh? BAHAHAAH! Geez, you think you'd be use to takin it, crap.
"Police freeze!" You called them here didn't you bitch, I know you did! that's okay though,
"Surrond the area!" Geez, scary. Snitch. "No!" Too late, witch. It's time to go!
*Slices throat* down the river you flow. And also for me? time to blow.
*sets off bomb in car he came in, arrives in hell* now we're stuck together forever hoe.

[Chorus-Geno]
Is there such a thing as love? Some would think it's lust,
Others switch it up, with a definition I'm just sick of what,
This relationship has become, wanna play? You think it's fun?!
YOU BREAK MY HEART, I'LL SPILL YOUR BLOOD, THE PIECES DROPPED, GO PICK 'EM UP,
I'm not gonna live on a whim as a victim, I would bet you,
That a lynched-you would be so cute in my bedroom,
On a pedestal next to my ex, who was hexed too,
What'd I tell you?! GO BEHIND MY BACK AND I'LL KILL YOU,
YOU THINK I'M SICK, BOO? I'MA HIT YOU SO HARD THAT YOUR HEAD MOVES,
INTO HELL'S FUMES SO FUCKIN' FAST YOU'LL BE SWIMMIN' IN THE RIVER STYX'S POOL

[Blu]

Topic is so overplayed, the overall written was pretty boring. The hook sounded pretty corny, I don't see why you'd capitalize it, it sounds pretty awkward when you're trying to scream that whole sentence. I won't even look for rhymes because I know you two try your hardest to string multi's, so...

Overall, I'd say it's a 2 out of 5.

[J.R.]

Thanks for the feed Blu. Although I wonder if you posted on this piece because it was Geno and I, (yes, I'm going to go as far as to say you saw it was two Eminem fans on a written, writing to an em beat, and decided to come in and attack.)

And the only reason I wonder why you posted in here in particular is because you never post in CW. Hell, you've never posted on any of my pieces. You focused more on the chorus, and hinted at the fact you skipped over my rhymes, probably skipping over my verses all together.

Now. I don't know why your in here considering you never post in this section, but you should get more active. That was nice feed. I'd love you to check out my track Flashing shouts, written to A kanye Beat. Bet you skipped over it. (or saw Geno wasn't on it or there was no Em beat, thus giving you no chance to attack. )

In short. I'd like to see you post in this section more. Write maybe? Feed my other piece. All the pieces up recently. Doubt itll happen, but I ain't mad. If it doesn't, thanks for .. Well, the one time feed?


Edit; Besides "Corny and overplayed" (Which Geno addressed so I won't do so again) all your feed was on his chorus. Hmm

[Blu]

Thanks for the feed Blu. Although I wonder if you posted on this piece because it was Geno and I, (yes, I'm going to go as far as to say you saw it was two Eminem fans on a written, writing to an em beat, and decided to come in and attack.)

And the only reason I wonder why you posted in here in particular is because you never post in CW. Hell, you've never posted on any of my pieces. You focused more on the chorus, and hinted at the fact you skipped over my rhymes, probably skipping over my verses all together.

Now. I don't know why your in here considering you never post in this section, but you should get more active. That was nice feed. I'd love you to check out my track Flashing shouts, written to A kanye Beat. Bet you skipped over it. (or saw Geno wasn't on it or there was no Em beat, thus giving you no chance to attack. )

In short. I'd like to see you post in this section more. Write maybe? Feed my other piece. All the pieces up recently. Doubt itll happen, but I ain't mad. If it doesn't, thanks for .. Well, the one time feed?


Edit; Besides "Corny and overplayed" (Which Geno addressed so I won't do so again) all your feed was on his chorus. Hmm

Lol, I don't have a personal vendetta against Geno, if that's what you're thinking. I only fed this piece because I saw it in the Unread Posts section so I decided to give it a shot.

Tbh I didn't even check the beat before feeding, I just did now since you told me it was an Eminem beat. But yeah, the "Kim" beat is dark and brutal, it seems like limited topics can really be spit on that beat, but you could have went outside the box. I'm sure it was either you or Insane that said they're just an average writer who can rhyme words... or something like that.

But, I'll check out your "Flashing Shouts" song now.

It's to convey emotion through text. If you didn't notice the "?!" on the previous line showing escalating aggression, then I'm sorry you missed it. You'll notice after the shouting that I calm down and rap faster. This is mainly to show multiple personalities to bring out that psychotic nature that the track called for. It's cool if you didn't like it, but that's how it was meant to be.

It was JR's song concept and he wanted me on the hook so I did my best to help amplify his emotions on the hook since what I'm saying has to relate to his verses.

I'd have to hear it in audio to really capture the emotion.

[J.R.]

Must've been Insane. Because (besides Flahing shouts, a concept track) I came on here with concepts, emotions, and what Geno, Name, and a few others described as good flow (as well as myself) then developed my rhymes. I'm not really good at rhyming.

[Blu]

I'll write whatever type of shit I want to when I can, fuck what people like Blu will say about senseless rhyming or whatnot.

Senseless rhyming isn't going to help you improve at all. This section is called "Creative Writing", not "Multi's Galore". Tbh I haven't really seen a single creative piece in this section yet.

[Mr.DGAF]

Gotta read up man, there's some creative stuff in here for sure. Maybe not even from this core group of writers, but from ones that don't post in CW anymore. One of the best/funniest pieces I've ever read here was from Amadeo, something along the lines of "I'm Not Racist" or something like that. That shit was hilarious haha.

But for sure writing limits creativity in terms of execution. In the end it's up to the reader to interpret what they want, whereas an audio piece can be innovative, creative, etc.

That's not an excuse though, there can be very creative writtens. Just takes a strong imagination.

[Eedee]

This was an interesting read. Great story-telling.

Geno's chorus was good as well. Sorry I can't much else haha

[Eedee]

I'll write whatever type of shit I want to when I can, fuck what people like Blu will say about senseless rhyming or whatnot.

Senseless rhyming isn't going to help you improve at all. This section is called "Creative Writing", not "Multi's Galore". Tbh I haven't really seen a single creative piece in this section yet.

You know, I'm not trying to be a pro rapper, okay? I'm trying to have fun with it. Is that so fucking wrong? Just shut the fuck up, if you know it's gonna be all multies galore, then why do you bother coming here? People will write what they want to, none of us expect to be famous. We just have fun while writing what we want, why can't we do that without fuckers like you bitching about how there's nothing good enough for you?

Please...

Kidding. I agree with you. People write what they want and have fun with it. You'd be surprised how many drops are really fucking creative.

[Blu]

And why don't you drop anything?

I'm a really terrible writer lol.

You know, I'm not trying to be a pro rapper, okay? I'm trying to have fun with it. Is that so fucking wrong? Just shut the fuck up, if you know it's gonna be all multies galore, then why do you bother coming here? People will write what they want to, none of us expect to be famous. We just have fun while writing what we want, why can't we do that without fuckers like you bitching about how there's nothing good enough for you?

You've really been a bitch recently, just stop.

I come here to see if you guys are improving. I'm not being a bitch, you just can't handle negative criticism. To a textcee, this might be an excellent piece. But if you really wanna impress someone, you oughta start working on the other aspects of writing.

The thing with most of the people here is that they're so... divided. Maybe that's not even the right word, screw it, but what I'm trying to say is that one writer here will be able to string along a 9 syllable multi out their ass, while another writer can jot down the greatest wordplay ever, but one writer will never have both talents (that's what I see here at least).

Don't get so defensive just because I'm tired of seeing the same material here in this section man, I want you guys to expand. I don't put work out because I'm absolute garbage, writing is definitely not my strong suit. I know you wanna write for fun, but you never know, someone might be reading your shit and just being completely awed by it.

[Blu]

Don't get so defensive just because I'm tired of seeing the same material here in this section man, I want you guys to expand. I don't put work out because I'm absolute garbage, writing is definitely not my strong suit. I know you wanna write for fun, but you never know, someone might be reading your shit and just being completely awed by it.

I'm not being defensive, you're being insulting. I have yet to see you post a useful comment in this thread. Instead of just saying what's wrong with the piece, say how the writers can improve, what they can do, changes they can make. You seem inept at being constructive or useful in any way, though, so I guess I'm asking for too much.

Well, that's the thing. I don't want to tell you how to write your pieces, you're gonna have to figure that out yourself. I could tell you to work on your wordplay, but you'd probably dismiss the advice seeing as you prefer rhyming.

Sorry if I'm sounding like a dick lol, I'm just really straight-forward at times.

[Blu]

But still, if you're not planning on saying anything that'll help the writers, why even say anything negative? It's condescending.

I personally found it boring. But hey man, there's probably tons of other people here that think it's incredible. If you wanna continue with your own style, then please ignore what I said.

I can't really give that much advice since you guys aren't in the audio stage yet. I need to hear how you guys sound on the mic to really give my honest opinion.

[Enimee]

i think yall had half decent execution on this one. the thought behind it is dope but yall just didnt put the words together the way i would have...
good shit though guys i like this adaptation to the scene

[J.R.]

And why don't you drop anything?

I'm a really terrible writer lol.

You know, I'm not trying to be a pro rapper, okay? I'm trying to have fun with it. Is that so fucking wrong? Just shut the fuck up, if you know it's gonna be all multies galore, then why do you bother coming here? People will write what they want to, none of us expect to be famous. We just have fun while writing what we want, why can't we do that without fuckers like you bitching about how there's nothing good enough for you?

You've really been a bitch recently, just stop.

I come here to see if you guys are improving. I'm not being a bitch, you just can't handle negative criticism. To a textcee, this might be an excellent piece. But if you really wanna impress someone, you oughta start working on the other aspects of writing.

The thing with most of the people here is that they're so... divided. Maybe that's not even the right word, screw it, but what I'm trying to say is that one writer here will be able to string along a 9 syllable multi out their ass, while another writer can jot down the greatest wordplay ever, but one writer will never have both talents (that's what I see here at least).

Don't get so defensive just because I'm tired of seeing the same material here in this section man, I want you guys to expand. I don't put work out because I'm absolute garbage, writing is definitely not my strong suit. I know you wanna write for fun, but you never know, someone might be reading your shit and just being completely awed by it.

First off, I know you don't read a lot of shit in here. Maybe 2% of it, if that. Secondly, the other aspects of the game? I'm a textcee at the moment, like you said, and that is mainly for three reasons. One, I don't have the mixing capabilites, two, I'm only 16. This is a hobby. I have a lot of other shit to focus on. Now, that doesn't mean I don't want to get better, (and you never knew if I did, because you'd never follow me, nor did you tell me exactly what to improve upon besides "boring", just that you disliked the piece and then bitched about the same old shit in the section) it just means that right now I don't have the time nor the equipment to get in to recording or being good at it. So I stick to this to get better.

Secondly, what do you know exactly? Why are we taking advice from you? I'm not butthurt, really. I honestly respect you, every poster of this forum, and anyone with opinions on my piece. But like Geno said, you never post in here. I'd consider you a bit more credible if you dropped something..fed something that wasn't in new posts lmao.

Lastly, we have been trying to apply stuff. This has storytelling, flow, multis, etc. Yet you say everyone in here is just multis galore. No. If everyone was multis galore in this section, it'd be a bunch of fucking shit lyrical pieces that didn't make sense. Something I've always been fuckin' terrible at, I love storytelling, content, and flow. It was my marquee when I came onto this site, but you wouldn't know, would you?


Also, reply seriously or get the fuck out. I don't want a joke reply.

[Blu]

First off, I know you don't read a lot of shit in here. Maybe 2% of it, if that. Secondly, the other aspects of the game? I'm a textcee at the moment, like you said, and that is mainly for three reasons. One, I don't have the mixing capabilites, two, I'm only 16. This is a hobby. I have a lot of other shit to focus on. Now, that doesn't mean I don't want to get better, (and you never knew if I did, because you'd never follow me, nor did you tell me exactly what to improve upon besides "boring", just that you disliked the piece and then bitched about the same old shit in the section) it just means that right now I don't have the time nor the equipment to get in to recording or being good at it. So I stick to this to get better.

Read what I said to Insane, I don't want to have to tell you how to improve, it's something you learn on your own. I don't wanna have to tell you to focus more on wordplay or something because it just might not be your thing.

Secondly, what do you know exactly? Why are we taking advice from you? I'm not butthurt, really. I honestly respect you, every poster of this forum, and anyone with opinions on my piece. But like Geno said, you never post in here. I'd consider you a bit more credible if you dropped something..fed something that wasn't in new posts lmao.

I've contributed to this section before. I've dropped writtens. It's whiny butthurts like you that make me stay away from this place. Me never posting in here has nothing to do with my criticism. It's like saying that you shouldn't be allowed to criticize the Mona Lisa if you can't paint it yourself.

Lastly, we have been trying to apply stuff. This has storytelling, flow, multis, etc. Yet you say everyone in here is just multis galore. No. If everyone was multis galore in this section, it'd be a bunch of fucking shit lyrical pieces that didn't make sense. Something I've always been fuckin' terrible at, I love storytelling, content, and flow. It was my marquee when I came onto this site, but you wouldn't know, would you?

Copying Eminem's "Kim" format and beat isn't really all that ground-breaking and creative. I understand you're telling a story, but you really copied the same aspects from Eminem's song. Spyder made a song some time ago that was nearly IDENTICAL to Em's "My Darling" and people were criticizing him for mirroring the song. Most of the time, it is just Multi's Galore, Man1x even said it himself. And no, I wouldn't know considering I don't really care about you and your writtens lol.

Also, reply seriously or get the fuck out. I don't want a joke reply.

Why were you expecting a joke reply? You're gonna bitch at me, so I'll bitch at you back lol. In fact, where in this thread have I replied with a joke? Yeah... exactly.