Random bars

[superman11]

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=163773&p=2317865#p2317865

Just some random stuff I wrote not too long ago.(I go by Script when I write)

You dont wanna try fight with the script, I'm more psycho than sick,
fuck throwing punches, I start the fight with bicycle kicks.
By now, I've elevated so high into space,
if I fell off, I'd leave a crater twice the size of my state.
Shit, were not in the same existence,
Scripts the name, a bit insane but gifted.
Bars hit you so hard they're catastrophic,
so stop it, all you fire spitters ain't ever on some hot shit.
Outta this world I'm cosmic, go to your house and bomb it, drop the atomic,
See your mom, spit than shake her till she vomits.
I throw punches at nothing, break the sound barrier as energy follows through
and swallows you in a sonic boom. Lines are off the roof,
through the scale, got lesser fools thinking like wait, that's impossible.
I'm more than sick, im torturous,
like when four dogs just split your limbs, and I grin as blood pours from it.
I'm off the richter, yea just ask your sister
walked downstairs and had your pops call me mister,
cause I'm the boss and bet your ass I like to floss,
walk in the stores yea I'll take it don't give a fuck what it cost.
In other words I'm the man, flow like water but I never give a dam,
scratch that, don't ever give a fuck.
Cause i stay on top feeling like a million bucks,
jeans are cuffed over fresh jays that never seen a scuff.
You haven't seen enough, I'm going ham call me boars head,
I'm insane, I'm not a man I'm a beast that was cross bred.
that line there I'll cross it, my rhymes over your head,
cause im so ahead of my time I haven't been born yet.

I know the last line is kind of corny, but I had to end it. Lol

Feedback please.

[Mr.DGAF]

First four bars were absolutely bananas. Great phrasing and some witty lines; especially the crater line. Overall pretty solid, you've got some skill here man.

[PAINKILLƎR]

Man DGAF hit it spot on. Those first 4 lines are great, I mean really great. Colorful phrasing, good use of multis. The piece as whole is really great. Didn't find that ending all that corny. This was dope. How long have you been writing? this is pretty good.

[Eedee]

Whew that was dope!

[superman11]

Man DGAF hit it spot on. Those first 4 lines are great, I mean really great. Colorful phrasing, good use of multis. The piece as whole is really great. Didn't find that ending all that corny. This was dope. How long have you been writing? this is pretty good.

Thanks a lot!

Been writing for about 10-12 years, I'm 23 now. My older cousin loved to rap for fun and got me into it. I really took to writing and have gotten a lot better over the years. I'm going to post a few more in the coming days, one more right now actually.

[Just Silver]

the intro was really nice liked how its a random bar piece to show off your skills
youve been writing almost double the yrs i have

id like to see a consistent story but i honestly like random pieces better
flow was decent but rhyming was great

the im more than sick tortureous line threw the flow off but it wasnt really a problem more of a switch up

good shit 8/10

[Flamez]

Damn this was dope man I enjoyed reading it sick shit.