just Rhyming

[Flamez]

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=163896

I'm a waterfall flowing immensely burning your eyes
when reading every line dropped with rhymes n' punchlines
it's the aging of wine you'll be stepping on land mines
there isn't no warning sign to keep you out and alive
this ain't a video game, you won't survive this test drive
straight down to hell arriving down below sea level
flames will start to ignite all around staring at Satan the devil
trapped inside this ain't heaven I'm the angel of death
I'm accursed roaming the earth leaving you out of breath
I'm Breaking bad giving you an addiction like Meth
go ahead take a breath and inhale, take a hit and smoke it
this shit will intoxicate your spirit n' mind and twist it a bit
this spit is on fire like ghost chili peppers you better start to believe
tell your boss you're on sick leave, all the way through new year's eve
your worst nightmare starting to grieve eating your heart out
a traveler throughout this year stuck on this highway route
no doubt these turbulent flows kill you with ease and simplicity
start acting on this matter investigate me, and start forming a committee

Feed appreciated.

[Eedee]

I liked the content, although, there were some ehhh lines. Like this one:

I'm Breaking bad giving you an addiction like Meth

Your rhyming wasn't that great, but that's easily fixable with practice. I wished there was a beat to go along to, so the flow was kinda iffy. But no worries. You'll certainly get better. I like your content direction though.

[enjinn]

this was nice...you had some interesting lines...cool ideas

[Flamez]

@Eedee thanks man I know practice makes perfect, I'm getting back into writing again and with time I'll get better at it.

and thanks to you to enjinn.