Resurface

[FAME]

http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=163896

I miss the lines rhyming together in motion
Bringing it back only uncovers hidden emotion
It’s like moving back in time in slow motion
To a time when rhyme was my only devotion
Never stopped writing though only stopped the flow
Like my throat was clogged up and never cleared though
And although its been a long time since I have spoken so
Its now finally time for me to come back say hello
I’ve physically assaulted beats with a single line
Convinced similar words to mingle and combine
To form a rhyme worthy of its own shrine
Now go ahead and tell me my design isn’t one of a kind
So now I embark on a new start with my art
To make verses creative and come from the heart
Make songs that are outliers so you can tell them apart
I’ve played and taken a pause so now its time to restart

[Eedee]

Hmmm, not sure what I think about this.

The opening lines rhymed "motion" three times in a row, Kanye.

I did like the train of thought you had going on though. I like pieces like this; abstract, but with some nice poetic elements in them.

[mdemaz]

Interesting.

Nothing much for me to say.

Try to add more rhymes to your verses and count syllables.

Example:

I miss the lines rhyming together in motion
Bringing it back only uncovers hidden emotion

I miss the rhymes so swift like a trigger in motion
I'll bring them back to show the hidden emotion

Or whatever...

[Eedee]

Interesting.

Nothing much for me to say.

Try to add more rhymes to your verses and count syllables.

Example:

I miss the lines rhyming together in motion
Bringing it back only uncovers hidden emotion

I miss the lines rhyming so swift like a trigger in motion
I'll bring them back to show the hidden emotion

Or whatever...

[mdemaz]

Yeah, I know, fail...

[enjinn]

i liked this...nicely written with good content

[Just Silver]

yea that motion ending line three times killed it tbh

decent flow just practice on your phrasing and vocab for now

some multis and then others dont link up its an ok beginning piece but def need practice not a bad attempt

just look for some inspiration and drop another longer piece