Misunderstood

[MC_Cotton]

Feedback: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=167767

(Note: I didn't want to be a serial killer, so I wanted to make it like I was sort of a misunderstood good guy, and I'm not 100% finished, I got to add some to the end, but yeah...)


DooDooDooDooDooDoDooDo (<----The "Halloween" theme)
Guess who is coming for you-ou
You'd better watch out / I'm roundin' the corner /
quick, somebody call the coroner /
She's running so fast, the heels fell off of her feet / and now she's running barefoot down the street on the concrete /
She tears her blouse running up the stairs of a house / she trips and falls and squints her eyes at the thought of her demise / she opens her eyes and is prepared to squeal / but instead she sees my outstretched hand and, and the other holding her heels / I watch the wheels in her head spin as she processes this turn of events / I feel her clench, then shout "Over The Fence!!!"

[Just Silver]

This one had a nice beginning but some lines seem very off

For example when you said stairs twice
Or the outstretched line

But I liked the heels falling off imagery
Halloween theme wasn't needed but it didn't hurt

Overall its ok just need to polish up your way of wording things guy

[MC_Cotton]

Haha! My bad, I wrote it down, then I typed it on the keyboard, I must have typed it wrong, my bad xD