Out Of My Mind

[Eedee]

Hey guys. After listening to Relapse all day, back to front, front to back, it inspired me to write a sick song, with tons of multi's and a few punchlines. Tell me what you think, if you guys enjoy it, me and my producer will probably turn this into a song! Thanks guys!

[Chorus] [2x]

I am out of my mind, or is my mind out of me?
I better go find it and do it quickly!
Cuz these crazy ass thoughts are gonna take over,
Bake a cake with a steak and break this range rover, WHAT?!

[Verse 1]

Snookie, lookie! Look out here comes the rookie,
confidence like a vet, a monster like the cookie.
I've lived in a trash can, i'm popping out now, man,
Diss me and my elbow will meet your fucking brow, damn!
I excrete a unique verbal technique,
sneaking by without a squeak like a mouse about to succeed.
if you can't stand the heat, then i'll stop wreaking havoc on the beat,
my mean streak is back and it's jam packed like a cleek (clique).
star strewn sky over head, what's next is to shred,
these fine ass legs into jelly then spread it on my bread.
venom to the head where the hell is the antidote?
should i do it? yes i should, just like I'm the the anti-don't!

[Repeat Chorus 2x]

[Verse 2]

You're all in my rap city (rhapsody) and fuck it, I'm mayor.
Slayer of the haters and that fucking John Mayer.
you better pay up slut or i'll cut you with my razor,
i flow like this once a month, shut up cunt naysayer.
My lyrical skills fulfill the prophecies of old,
Hold me down now man, I'm beginning to unfold,
I'm out of control! pass out as I lash out tenfold.
groping old people's purses rapin' nurses what you been told?
the curses fly like these swear words are growing wings,
the searches die like there's no hope for the missing kids.
i tie up these MCs by my truck near the lake,
i swear to god officer, she was 18, give or take!

[Repeat Chorus 2x]

[Verse 3]

Eat my dust suckers, pucker up and kiss it loud.
Make that suction sound with my ass pressin' down,
on your lips how's it taste? like the shaq with the beef,
ironic how his name is a beef, ain't it Ko-be?
Just like the Black mamba, I wanna be the goat,
So I'm gonna milk not being famous for a while, then grab my coat,
cuz I'm gonna be heinous when I ask why Uranus' ain't a pla-net?
sorry i got it confused with that fucking goofy's fucking pet.
You just sucked my fat sailor dick, you hethan,
and you puked, other words you just blew chunky sea men!
eating green beans flippin' thru this magazine,
wondering what color you'll turn when i make sure you stop breathin'.

[Repeat Chorus 2x]

[Verse 4]

I examine my nuts and wonder which is the youngest?
I'd keep thinking but I don't do stupid justice,
what's this? is this Eedee showing modesty?
nope, this is the fucker just having his own oddyssey.
probably be a minority when I say I'll be huge,
but the crudity loses his oomph after a day or two.
There I go, losing my fucking train of thought,
it derailed in between comphrehending inception and season six of Lost.
i write my songs and tiebreakers on my typewriter,
icebreaker, you're a fucking joyrider on your vibrator.
darth vader, charred face and earthquaker,
i'm like yeager when he broke the sound barrier.

[Repeat Chorus 2x]

[Verse 5]

There's a party in my pants and you're not invited,
Take a pair of pliers and apply 'em to your eyelids.
Don't deny your involvement in the double homicide, chick,
You sucked my dick as I killed those drunk Asian twins, trick!
Green panties at your feet, please you with a meat cleaver,
Eating your beaver, does it feel good, Mr. Beiber?
Take a breather, Justin's dry I might even have to grease her,
He's achiever of Nirvana with more hair than a retriever.
I'm back with a vengeance hitting wenches with some wrenches,
Fuck the game on a bench in it's ass till it clenches.
Pretend this fucking track isn't five verses,
My rhymes and lines combine for a blast of lyrical surges.

Basically I want to know what you think of the punchlines and multi's. Thanks for any and all feedback!



Link of Feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=122047

[Mr Change]

All I can say is WOW.

It's evident you listened to Relapse all day because this just screams random evil lyrical goodness

There are sooo many great mutlis I can't even quote 'em, forreal dude. Plus there was a bunch of punchlines that made me smile the second I read em too lol

"Snookie, lookie! Look out here comes the rookie,
confidence like a vet, a monster like the cookie."

Second line, monster like the cookie


"the curses fly like these swear words are growing wings,
the searches die like there's no hope for the missing kids.
i tie up these MCs by my truck near the lake,
i swear to god officer, she was 18, give or take!"

Probably my favorite part of the song, just great

"You just sucked my fat sailor dick, you hethan,
and you puked, other words you just blew chunky sea men!"



"There I go, losing my fucking train of thought,
it derailed in between comphrehending inception and season six of Lost.
i write my songs and tiebreakers on my typewriter,
icebreaker, you're a fucking joyrider on your vibrator.
darth vader, charred face and earthquaker,"

"There's a party in my pants and you're not invited,
Take a pair of pliers and apply 'em to your eyelids.
Don't deny your involvement in the double homicide, chick,
You sucked my dick as I killed those drunk Asian twins, trick!"

Just goodness man

[Eedee]

Thanks man!! Feels great to know some lyrics of mine are liked!

Let's hope more people like them!

Thanks for the input, man. I think I might make this into a song and try to put an accent on it and blast it like a Relapse song.

[Mr Change]

Thanks man!! Feels great to know some lyrics of mine are liked!

Let's hope more people like them!

Thanks for the input, man. I think I might make this into a song and try to put an accent on it and blast it like a Relapse song.

I'm sure they will

And yep, an accent would fit perfectly on this

[Eedee]

Thanks man!! Feels great to know some lyrics of mine are liked!

Let's hope more people like them!

Thanks for the input, man. I think I might make this into a song and try to put an accent on it and blast it like a Relapse song.

I'm sure they will

And yep, an accent would fit perfectly on this

I tried recording this with an accent, but it came out horrible. I can't keep an accent to save my life. Maybe I need a different accent. Hmmm. Any regional suggestions?

[Mr Change]

Thanks man!! Feels great to know some lyrics of mine are liked!

Let's hope more people like them!

Thanks for the input, man. I think I might make this into a song and try to put an accent on it and blast it like a Relapse song.

I'm sure they will

And yep, an accent would fit perfectly on this

I tried recording this with an accent, but it came out horrible. I can't keep an accent to save my life. Maybe I need a different accent. Hmmm. Any regional suggestions?

lol no clue man

[SliK]

I enjoyed reading this. Only thing I don't like is 5 verses, because of all the hooks. I know most people feel differently but to me the hook is the worst part of any song. I would listen to 300 bars of rapping over a song where the chorus is repeated like 10 times. Maybe try lengthening the verses so you get 3, or just using some of those vereses in a different song. You could make a part 1 and a part 2 or something, I don't know.

As far as content, rhymes, flow.. It was great. Really good actually, and original. Good post man

[Eedee]

I enjoyed reading this. Only thing I don't like is 5 verses, because of all the hooks. I know most people feel differently but to me the hook is the worst part of any song. I would listen to 300 bars of rapping over a song where the chorus is repeated like 10 times. Maybe try lengthening the verses so you get 3, or just using some of those vereses in a different song. You could make a part 1 and a part 2 or something, I don't know.

As far as content, rhymes, flow.. It was great. Really good actually, and original. Good post man

Thanks man!

That's actually a really good idea. Out Of My Mind Part 1, OOMM Part 2. Great idea!! Maybe if I changed the hook to only repeat once? That would shorten it up a bit.

[SliK]

It's not the length of the hook that bothers me but the amount of times it's played in a song. I like verses that stretch on and use a lot of the same rhyme schemes throughout. If you think the chorus should be repeated twice per "hook" then that's not really the issue, it quite often sounds better like that. My only issue was the amount you broke those verses up. Cus honestly, I liked those verses. And man, honestly, other people might like more choruses or whatever. Maybe I'm weird, I just thought I'd offer my two cents.

[Eedee]

It's not the length of the hook that bothers me but the amount of times it's played in a song. I like verses that stretch on and use a lot of the same rhyme schemes throughout. If you think the chorus should be repeated twice per "hook" then that's not really the issue, it quite often sounds better like that. My only issue was the amount you broke those verses up. Cus honestly, I liked those verses. And man, honestly, other people might like more choruses or whatever. Maybe I'm weird, I just thought I'd offer my two cents.

I appreciate your two cents, man! Maybe just play the hook twice in the beginning (twice as in once since it's repeated twice), then do all 5 verses at once with maybe a five or ten second break in between as the beat plays, then start up another verse. Then replay the hook at the end. I don't know. My producer and I will figure something out.

[Mr Change]

It's not the length of the hook that bothers me but the amount of times it's played in a song. I like verses that stretch on and use a lot of the same rhyme schemes throughout. If you think the chorus should be repeated twice per "hook" then that's not really the issue, it quite often sounds better like that. My only issue was the amount you broke those verses up. Cus honestly, I liked those verses. And man, honestly, other people might like more choruses or whatever. Maybe I'm weird, I just thought I'd offer my two cents.

I appreciate your two cents, man! Maybe just play the hook twice in the beginning (twice as in once since it's repeated twice), then do all 5 verses at once with maybe a five or ten second break in between as the beat plays, then start up another verse. Then replay the hook at the end. I don't know. My producer and I will figure something out.

You have your own producer?

dang lol

[Ka0t1c]

i like how u flip shit, and some things rhyme nice, but it does have it's weirdness, still decent read tho

[JamaicanPattlez]

All I have to say is daaamn. I actually LOVE writing in Relapse-Style. I personally find the possibilities in it endless, because you go from literally Shady, to Jeffrey Dahlmer to... Bizarre.

I loved your "In Other Words" punchline, you HAD to have seen the hate over Em's and did yours.

Really though man, I liked it! Especially how you had 5 verses! Keep it up!

[Eedee]

All I have to say is daaamn. I actually LOVE writing in Relapse-Style. I personally find the possibilities in it endless, because you go from literally Shady, to Jeffrey Dahlmer to... Bizarre.

I loved your "In Other Words" punchline, you HAD to have seen the hate over Em's and did yours.

Really though man, I liked it! Especially how you had 5 verses! Keep it up!

The hate over Em's and did my own?

Did I miss one of his punchlines and accidentally make one of my own that was near one of his??

[SliK]

All I have to say is daaamn. I actually LOVE writing in Relapse-Style. I personally find the possibilities in it endless, because you go from literally Shady, to Jeffrey Dahlmer to... Bizarre.

I loved your "In Other Words" punchline, you HAD to have seen the hate over Em's and did yours.

Really though man, I liked it! Especially how you had 5 verses! Keep it up!

The hate over Em's and did my own?

Did I miss one of his punchlines and accidentally make one of my own that was near one of his??

He means you said "other words", an expression eminem has himself used to death and is now mocked for by some of his more dick-headed fans.