L.O.S

[Just Silver]

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=171369

I try to live my life, but always was the nice guy
Pay the rent even when the price high, im quite high
Never split properly, end up with nothin in my pockets
Somethings up but im just calm and keep walkin
These are my friends, so im loyal to the end
To the soil when im dead,but they toil with my head
Jabs and insults counting as jokes,leech till im broke
society wonderin why this weeds gotta be smoked
Gotta cope, no suicide ive got no rope
Do or die till i find a new road, i just need a safe home
Biting the hand that feeds you, like a bad pet, mad stress
I just wanna leave but the loyalty fills my chest
can't let my only friends be home-less
Are these my true friends or oppon-ents?
they just want my money and shelter to keepem goin?
Jealousy and anger stays flowing like an ocean
Actually asked why i try to save cash, and what was spoken
"Why are you saving money"? cause its something most wont do
i only have about three hundred, keep it running that mouth
Can make you lose your only house, remember i hold this down
You can move outta town im a king with a fuckin crown
Sick of all this weed around, it makes us all lethargic
motivation lost in these condo apartments, depression in the woods
Stores a mile and a half away, try to have some faith
Everything takes time ill be in a better place
Know that im ahead of these fakes, i may be last in the race
But the nice guy will laugh in your face hes on his hundredth lap today

[shadyblogger]

I liked the first half as far as flow/rhyming/content and then the hyphenated parts threw me off and I had trouble getting back into it... But the last couple lines were neat. Good stuff though!

[Just Silver]

thanx guy it was really personal so it may not be perfectly flowing

but its all real emotion

[shadyblogger]

thanx guy it was really personal so it may not be perfectly flowing

but its all real emotion

[cement]

nice shit
bump

[shadyblogger]

Those title changes lol

[Just Silver]

ya lol its weird i feel like they'd read it even though they're oblivious to this forum

[Just Silver]

Bump

[gutawafang]

Storytelling is not bad man. Flow could be improved. Some nice rhymes too at the beginning. I don't particularly like the "flow like an ocean" line. That line sucks.

And yeah, your flow faded as the piece progressed. Otherwise, not a bad read man.

[shadyblogger]

Storytelling is not bad man. Flow could be improved. Some nice rhymes too at the beginning. I don't particularly like the "flow like an ocean" line. That line sucks.

And yeah, your flow faded as the piece progressed. Otherwise, not a bad read man.

Completely agree

[mdemaz]

Emotional piece, man.

[shadyblogger]

Emotional piece, man.

Don't cry baby

[mdemaz]

Don't you dare fucking lecture me, Blogs McGooch.

[gutawafang]

Much spam. I'mma ban y'all.

[shadyblogger]

Much spam. I'mma ban y'all.