"Fucking A-round" Feat mdemaz.

[Alex2012]

I'm glad someone understood my vague metaphor.

haha!! Happy to have understood something!

[mdemaz]

I agree with Haq, I feel off my skill game lately..
I should probably go back and look at my past work and rediscover what made it epic..

Mad props for the feedback guys..I have something to work for.

[Sam.]

K, MCSam. To be honest, I didn't like your verse much. It seemed like you were trying too hard to be funny, unlike mdemaz, who was just playing around and came off sillier. Some of your rhymes were really forced too, to the point where it became an uncomfortable read for me. When it comes to overall skill level, you're better than mdemaz, but you need work on how to make your piece flow more smoothly. And this was the only part I liked about your verse because it had above decent rhymes:

"fantasies go off the top by the way we think ,
she got my magic wand i like how she play these tricks,
hollers my name louder shows how amazed she is,"

my verse was also done playing around in 15 min like i said earlier the time included the time to type it in ...so now tell me where is the problem with the flow .

[ArsheyHaq]

I'm sure mdemaz didn't spend more than you on his verse either, but it was better than yours. And if you only spent 15 minutes, don't expect to get praise. Why'd you even post it? You should have put more time and effort into it. If you're not gonna take the time out to write something good for us, then why would we want to spend the time reading it? Naw mean.

"rod's in motion ready to spill oil in your curvy gulf,
don't worry what the world gone say fuck we are adults,
taking snaps of both of us baby that ain't no thang,
you can hang it up on the wall or make it your face book update,
so let me caress those breast and untangle your hair ,
can tell by the pace of your breath that my orgasm is there ,"

These lines went on longer than they should have. If your lines are gonna get this long, there better be a multi at the end because "thang" and "update" are just not gonna cut it flow-wise. There's a better pay off for the reader if there's more rhyming going on towards the end of your bars, rather than rhyming one syllable. And honestly, for a verse that was supposed to be funny, it wasn't very...

[Sam.]

with you in my mind all i think is sex,
condom on my dick ofcourse color pink is best,
not a inch for the wind to pass this close we get,
i am high up in you till your fuckin hoe gets wet,
rod's in motion ready to spill oil in your curvy gulf,
don't worry what the world gone say fuck we are adults,
taking snaps of both of us baby that ain't no thang,
you can hang it up on the wall or make it your face book update,
so let me caress those breast and untangle your hair ,
can tell by the pace of your breath that my orgasm is there ,
your mind fucked words got you laid like bricks,
fantasies go off the top by the way we think ,
she got my magic wand i like how she plays these tricks,
hollers my name louder shows how amazed she is,
put her to sleep and leave without making a sound,
easy as counting sheep ,matt i was just fucking a-round

multis (with the accent that i have i can make them rhyme)
ain't no thang
face book update



and talk about flow i can understand i cant tell you the beat that i wrote it on [sry] and about why share, this is a cw section that does not imply that you must post dope shit only, just because you are a better writer than me that does not mean you can stop me from posting my shit .

[ArsheyHaq]

with you in my mind all i think is sex,
condom on my dick ofcourse color pink is best,
not a inch for the wind to pass this close we get,
i am high up in you till your fuckin hoe gets wet,
rod's in motion ready to spill oil in your curvy gulf,
don't worry what the world gone say fuck we are adults,
taking snaps of both of us baby that ain't no thang,
you can hang it up on the wall or make it your face book update,
so let me caress those breast and untangle your hair ,
can tell by the pace of your breath that my orgasm is there ,
your mind fucked words got you laid like bricks,
fantasies go off the top by the way we think ,
she got my magic wand i like how she plays these tricks,
hollers my name louder shows how amazed she is,
put her to sleep and leave without making a sound,
easy as counting sheep ,matt i was just fucking a-round

multis (with the accent that i have i can make them rhyme)
ain't no thang
face book update



and talk about flow i can understand i cant tell you the beat that i wrote it on [sry] and about why share, this is a cw section that does not imply that you must post dope shit only, just because you are a better writer than me that does not mean you can stop me from posting my shit .

Oh, didn't know you had an accent. Ok, whatever works for you, man. And I didn't mean it like that. Post whatever you want, but then don't ask me to give you feedback on it because this is the kind of feed you'll get if it's not good.

[Sam.]

one thing man "Honesty is the best policy" and i am not saying that what you said was garbage feed or w/e but you might be knowing that a critic makes an artist great they say ,nahimean?

but w/o that accent still shit rhymes .

[ArsheyHaq]

K, g'luck to you

[Sam.]

K, g'luck to you

[Sam.]

b to the ump .

[J.R.]

Just got on to return the feed, brilliant piece. You guys should do more collabs together.