"Bars Of Assault" Feat Spyder.

[Spyder]

peeps sleepin tbh

[Jdubem]

Spyder- I really like your first two bars here for obvious reasons. The axe line is pretty good. After that in the middle I feel like it drops off somewhat. I didnt watch MacGyver so I cant say I understand what you are saying there. Rhyming structure and combusted doesnt really work. After that it picks up again.
Strangled with the mic cord, no oxygen to the brain
Put ya in the psyche ward gone from the game
That goes hard. Your ending is pretty good as well.

Sam- You open up with a shot at twilight which is cool. If you could have executed that second bar better then the first 3/4 of your verse would be dope. As already mentioned bars 3 and 4 are without a doubt good. Also I liked the swallow my own apple to keep the doctor away thing, but you could have made the following bar better. And the cause earthquakes, pause birth rates line was good as well. I like the mortgage all parts of me to blasphemy line was a solid punch. The heavy heart line you know was good, but I'm not exactly sure what you meant by operate on your brain cells and call it art. The ending leaves something to be desired. I feel like the heavy heart line would be a good way to end it if you could change the line after that to make it a little more conclusive. If you could do that I might just leave it at 12 bars and you'd have a solid verse.

[Sam.]

Spyder- I really like your first two bars here for obvious reasons. The axe line is pretty good. After that in the middle I feel like it drops off somewhat. I didnt watch MacGyver so I cant say I understand what you are saying there. Rhyming structure and combusted doesnt really work. After that it picks up again.
Strangled with the mic cord, no oxygen to the brain
Put ya in the psyche ward gone from the game
That goes hard. Your ending is pretty good as well.

Sam- You open up with a shot at twilight which is cool. If you could have executed that second bar better then the first 3/4 of your verse would be dope. As already mentioned bars 3 and 4 are without a doubt good. Also I liked the swallow my own apple to keep the doctor away thing, but you could have made the following bar better. And the cause earthquakes, pause birth rates line was good as well. I like the mortgage all parts of me to blasphemy line was a solid punch. The heavy heart line you know was good, but I'm not exactly sure what you meant by operate on your brain cells and call it art. The ending leaves something to be desired. I feel like the heavy heart line would be a good way to end it if you could change the line after that to make it a little more conclusive. If you could do that I might just leave it at 12 bars and you'd have a solid verse.

Thanks Bro.

"Operate on your brain cells and call it art,"

Cell here means Cell Phone,so I used the word "call" right after that.It also means ,open your skull play with the Brain and give it some sort of weird shape (I depicted the current aspect of Art & how anything that looks kinda different is called Art now-a-days).

Will return feed in awhile.

[Blu]

unf.

killed this shit doe.

goddamnit, everytime I'm gonna write a joint, I'ma come to you guys and just take "notes." haha

but seriously doe, this is a hot joint. I like it, but it seems like everyone does horrocore type shit. You guys should seriously try expanding.

[Spyder]

actually i rarely do horrorcore, this is around a first for me.

i use to do hardships, now mostly punches but

thanks for the feed bro

[Sam.]

Thanks.

BUMP

[chiasmus]

Spyder- 1st two bars, are tight. It does drop a bit in the middle but I feel the MacGyver reference - nice. The rhyme scheme as a whole is decent, a bit inconsistent but the vocab makes up for it i'd say.

Like someone else said, I also really like this bit -

Strangled with the mic cord, no oxygen to the brain
Put ya in the psyche ward gone from the game

Solid overall, I don't like giving marks outta 10 or anything so ima just say it was solid


Sam- Twilight shot is nice, lines 3 and 4 are dope. To be honest, the apple line makes no sense, and a lot of your other punches are iffy. The heavy heart line was cool, but I'm don't understand what you meant by 'operate on your brain cells and call it art'. Myabe its just me?? The ending isn't really an ending but i dont think this type or rap needs an 'ending' as such so thats cool. Overall again solid, and more so considering it your first horrorcore effort. Cool man.

[Sam.]

The heavy heart line was cool, but I'm don't understand what you meant by 'operate on your brain cells and call it art'. Myabe its just me??

viewtopic.php?p=1786469#p1786469
I explained that line in this post.