The Write Brothers - sneaker, diaze, silver

[Snakebeast]

Last bump then new project

I know. I'm joking. I'll actually provide feed in about an hour.

[Just Silver]

Seriously need feed don't be a dick in this section

[Snakebeast]

Here's your feed, Silver. Quit bitching

Diaze:

At first glance, it seemed like your verse had very simplistic rhyming (militant/immigrant), but after another look, I spotted a lot more.

Some lines I liked (rhyming wise):

Now I'm seen as a diligent migrant
Who sparked a mainstream incident

Content wise, it's pretty good. No corny/cheesy lines, though, as stated by others, there's really no need to use the same Cobain punchline twice in the same verse.

Some lines I liked (content wise):

Covered Mila Kunis in some of that Jewish ectoplasm
I see it as a learning curve
Diss rappers in my rhymes best served
Like a struck a raw nerve inside their spinal curve

Those last lines kind of bug me though.

Im an upgrade from Macklemore
And Vanilla Ice

Exactly what do Macklemore and Vanilla Ice have in common? Besides them both being white.

Sneaker:

Your writing sucks. Fix it.

Nah, I'm kidding. Now to be serious:

You seem to get better and better with every verse. There's some good rhyming in here.

How I started writing, this story is close to me
it’s how I became who I was supposed to be

My rap style is kinda like flying kites,
The other rappers are just alright

That said, there are a couple of lines where I think you could've put in a multi but didn't.

there’s a lot of important shit that I rely upon
but without any of y'all I couldn’t have written this song

Instead of the second line, you could've done something like

Without y'all, I wouldn't have wanted to write this song

But overall, good stuff.

Content wise, I found this verse to be less violent (as opposed to Diaz's) and more inspirational and motivational, which is good. Variety is something to be praised.

Some lines I liked:

hanging out here all day long,
finally able write my wrongs,
Without writing I wouldn’t have known where I belong.

Silver:

There's a lot less rhyming in this verse than I usually see from you, which is actually a plus, since rhyming less seemed to give you more freedom content-wise (from what I can see at least).

Some lines I liked (rhyming-wise):

Introduced by my faggot Cousin some irony
Used to listen to rock but I liked the rhyming themes

As stated above, you really went above and beyond in terms of content with this verse. I'm impressed. Interesting story about your experience with Eminem and rap in general.

Some lines I liked (content-wise):

Getting better year by year from day to night
Megabyte to gigabytes till I spit it right
I'll be forever nice practice makes perfect
But remember nobody's perfect just put work in

In conclusion, I really enjoyed your stuff, guys. Keep writing

[SpiderDiaze]

Wow, nice feedback Snake bro! Appreciate it.

[Just Silver]

Thanks guy best feed yet

[sneakerheadshady]

Only good feed on this. Thanks fam! Finally I feel like I got genuine feed

[IBasicallyRage]

Lmao I loved this. Really good. Awesome Kunis line.

[sneakerheadshady]

Lmao I loved this. Really good. Awesome Kunis line.

lol thanks… its a shame, diazepam got banned… he was a good writer too