Fire

[WakeUpShow]

My nickname's starbucks, because I've got the hottest flow.
Go get a pad and paper, and take notes, yeah jot 'em slow.
The say I'm crooked like a criminal with e.d.
I make crazy music, that's a synical cd.
Of course, Your shits nasty, but my shit's grosser.
I'll put your dawgs in a bag, I'm a Chinese grocer.
I only wear nikes, cause she's the goddess of victory.
An interesting style, known for the oddest delivery.

http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=102911

[Xray]

Those are some simple ass punches. "I'll put your dawgs in a bag, I'm a Chinese grocer." That subject of punchline is so fucking old school, that back in old school people still thought it was wack. The first line is just self diss, it's disgusting.

[WakeUpShow]

Those are some simple ass punches. "I'll put your dawgs in a bag, I'm a Chinese grocer." That subject of punchline is so fucking old school, that back in old school people still thought it was wack. The first line is just self diss, it's disgusting.

thanks alot

[Xray]

Just being real with you. Put more thought in your punchlines and get better. And don't force a multi just for the sake of more syllable count. "hottest flow, jot 'em slow" line. At least say something like;

The pen melts in my palms when I jot 'em slow
Needle threads in your arms like a rock of doe

[Fa-Q]

Yeah, like X said....and also, you dont HAVE to be a punchline rapper. Find yourself as a writer and write whats on your heart (I'm on some Disney shit)...

[classthe_king]

Just being real with you. Put more thought in your punchlines and get better. And don't force a multi just for the sake of more syllable count. "hottest flow, jot 'em slow" line. At least say something like;

The pen melts in my palms when I jot 'em slow
Needle threads in your arms like a rock of doe

XRay, get on msn bro

And because I don't want to waste a post in your thread I agree with XRay about the punches being way too simple and not very good but everyone has bad punches when they start, it's all about being creative and coming up with your own ideas. You had some good rhyming though, expecially in the first bar and the last bar. Second bar didn't rhyme well though because the syllables didn't match up.

[WakeUpShow]

Thanks for the feedback class, X, and Q. I'll work on them, and i usually don't try to write punchlines, i just thought i'd try something new.

[WakeUpShow]

oh and what did you guys think of the flow? Because I put more effort in making the structure fit better.

[Fa-Q]

oh and what did you guys think of the flow? Because I put more effort in making the structure fit better.

Kind of had a Drake/Wayne flow for me..

[WakeUpShow]

oh and what did you guys think of the flow? Because I put more effort in making the structure fit better.

Kind of had a Drake/Wayne flow for me..

oh ok, try rapping it as fast as you can, that's how i envisioned it

[classthe_king]

There's nothing wrong with a Drake/Lil Wayne flow. They have good flows.

And it's pretty hard to judge flow without a beat.

[Fa-Q]

There's nothing wrong with a Drake/Lil Wayne flow. They have good flows.

And it's pretty hard to judge flow without a beat.

haha yeah I wasnt implying that....but it had that pause and go flow like they do

[WakeUpShow]

could you guys please check out my other drop "the pen/the problem" it's a poem

[classthe_king]

Poems aren't my thing

[WakeUpShow]

Poems aren't my thing

you could read it like a rap then