The Looking Glass

[classthe_king]

First thing I've tried on since that Mines of Moria verse

I hold my breath as I travel through the lookin glass
Just trying to find a way to straighten out my crooked path
Find an answer to the questions that I couldn’t ask
And rebuild the burnt bridges but all I found was soot n ash
And that’s the reason that I’m grievin as I put the mask
On my face just to hide the taste of my sullen past
I’m broken down and for each breath that I take
I’m reminded of the love in every death that I’ve faced
So no need to wonder why I question my faith
Till the day it’s finally over and I rest in my grave
It’s a blessin I’ve made it this far as the days go
By and I ride on the backs of angels
I just have to stay low and hope to dream
I’ve felt the beauty and the prick that her roses bring
All I do is wish that I still have the throat to sing
So we can play one last song on these broken strings





http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=107179&p=1501184#p1501184

[Block]

I like the imagery bro. Everything seems to fit well. Only a few spots didn't seem to flow as well as I thought they could have. If I wasn't on my phone I'd probably be able to explain better.

[Immortal Equinox]

This was OK, could have been better.

[classthe_king]

Which parts do you think didn't flow well?

[Block]

Which parts do you think didn't flow well?

I think I worded that wrong. Everything "flowed" it's just my own preference and writing style. Since I haven't read or written anything in awhile, I just read pieces and see what I, personally, would have don't different. Not to say what you did was bad. I was basically thinking outloud.

I hold my breath as I travel through the lookin glass
Just trying to find a way to straighten out my crooked path

^^ this, as an example, with my style, would probably be like this:

I hold my breath as I travel through the looking glass
saddled as I'm looking past, aching for a way that I can straighten out my crooked path


I mean, obviously I didn't write that to a beat but it's just an example. It just adds depth to the flow, if you know what I mean.

What you got is good though.

[mcZu]

Interesting verse. Rhyme scheme was consistent through out the verse, and the imagery was vivid. Nothing to complain about I guess. Nice job.

[classthe_king]

This was OK, could have been better.

When did this comment appear?

And lmao, I'd like to see you do better.

Thanks Zu and SiiNiDE

[Robbie G]

That was awesome.

I could definitely tell it you were influenced by Sadistik here, but that's not a bad thing. I'd love to hear tor record something a this.

[classthe_king]

Thanks Robbie, I recorded it yesterday so hopefully I can release it soon