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Birthday Freeverse 4/30/11

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Birthday Freeverse 4/30/11

Postby ThomasAguanis » Jun 2nd, '11, 05:37

link of feed viewtopic.php?f=24&t=114523

I wrote this on my birthday. It's a freeverse about some stuff I was feeling/random things. I didn't write to a beat, and I change the flow multiple times during the verse, so try to ignore the line length differences :sweating:. If anyone cares, I plan on using some of these lines in future songs, I just have to restructure/ work them in. I just felt like posting something in this section, it's been forever since I did. I always have way too long intros.

I'm 21 today, but to me it's just another day/
I'm not the one to go and drink the fun away/
I never stray from the beliefs I've established/
and in tough situations, I'm not one of those people that panic/
I manage to see what's potentially lethal and grab it/
with a will harder than granite, I pull out the positives/
but granted to me it's obvious, and others are blind/
what's plain as day to me, they have trouble to find/
the thoughts that run through my mind are potentially crazy/
I mean, I've had no real means of venting them daily/
and I'm not the type to mention a lady, but lately/
all this tension I've been bench pressing is crazy/
for real, I'm kinda feeling boxed in/
and I'll avoid saying that next line, cause that type of guy, I'm not him/
plus, I was just dropped a text as I'm jottin', so let me stop.....send/
alright, back to rapping, I'm top ten & that's a fact that cannot bend/
these other rappers, I'm not them, those artists are targets, I'm locked in/
I could drop them with bars, but I'm not the one to take a shot from a star/
get it? They're the ones shooting at me, cause I'm not a rapper that you usually see/
and I'm far ahead of what I used to just be, you see/
I just got better with time, improved the words and letters I rhyme/
I'm no longer set in a bind, or stressing to find a style that fits/
for a while I did, but I'm still wild with scripts/
it's just I've went miles with it and learned to play it safe/
I was trapped in myself, but made a great escape/
and I feel I need a razor blade to shave my face/
but I may just wait a day cause they say it chafes/
wait.....good thing I saved my place/
I think I'll save that thought for a later date/
nah, I'll just keep it on the shelf/
cause some things you share, and others you keep them to yourself/
well, as good as a memory between you and a person may be/
sometimes it's best if it's only for you and that person to see/
I'm not really liking what this verse is turning to be/
so I'll end it with........... a happy birthday, to me/
B.K.A. The King of Kale A.K.A. The Superfood Sensai
I still rap better than you.

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Re: Birthday Freeverse 4/30/11

Postby ArsheyHaq » Jun 2nd, '11, 07:09

Ok, was that really a freeverse? That was good stuff, man. I mean, while I was reading it it seemed like you were just farting around, but you did it so well with a good structure and crisp, clean rhyme schemes that it makes me think there was days worth of thought put into it. Anyway, lemme just share my favorite parts of the piece and be on my way:

"the thoughts that run through my mind are potentially crazy/
I mean, I've had no real means of venting them daily/
and I'm not the type to mention a lady, but lately/
all this tension I've been bench pressing is crazy/"

very relatable stuff

"I just got better with time, improved the words and letters I rhyme/
I'm no longer set in a bind, or stressing to find a style that fits/
for a while I did, but I'm still wild with scripts/
it's just I've went miles with it and learned to play it safe/
I was trapped in myself, but made a great escape/
and I feel I need a razor blade to shave my face/
but I may just wait a day cause they say it chafes/
wait.....good thing I saved my place/
I think I'll save that thought for a later date/"

I just really enjoyed how that flowed along..

Please post more! I wanna read more material by you. :)
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Re: Birthday Freeverse 4/30/11

Postby Atone » Jun 2nd, '11, 07:30

Holy hell man, definitly feelin it, almost feels like this is written cuz you have alot of multi syllabul lines, which is crazy, but good, i wish people like you were around my city, so we could have all sorts of freestyle competitions
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Re: Birthday Freeverse 4/30/11

Postby ThomasAguanis » Jun 3rd, '11, 03:18

@ ArsheyHaq - thanks :y: The only lines that were days old were "and I'm not the type to mention a lady, but lately, all this tension I've been bench pressing is crazy/" & "and I feel I need a razor blade to shave my face, but I may just wait a day cause they say it chafes/". They were randomly written in my notebook a day or 2 earlier and I figured I'd incorporate them into this piece since the person that inspired them was still on my mind. The rest was written within a few hours. It took that long because my sister decided to call and hold me up on the phone for over an hour. I expected a simple "happy birthday" , but had my ear talked off.

I'll try to post more sometime soon, but most of the stuff I write now is used in recorded songs so I don't see the point in posting the text. I'll see what I can do though. I'm sure I'll end up with a stray verse every now and then. Thanks again for checking this. :y:


@Atone The Underdog -By "freeverse", I meant I just sat down and wrote without a beat in a fairly short period of time. I didn't have a concept in mind and just wrote whatever came to me. I'm horrible at freestyling, but find if I'm in the right mood, I can sit down and write fairly quickly sometimes, especially if it's random bars. Thanks for checking this :y:
B.K.A. The King of Kale A.K.A. The Superfood Sensai
I still rap better than you.

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