Regardless

[Blu]

I was listenin' to Royce's "Regardless" and the song just gave me the idea to write.

I think it's time to stop dreamin'
Cuz these rhymes are too hot beamin'
Outta this mic, it's like
It takes me to a whole new universe
And if you push me, you'll end up in a hearse
But you see I'm too scared
To even touch a mic and I, ask myself
Every night and morning who cared?
And sometimes I just wanna, call it quits
Can't spit a freestyle or I, fall in pits
Startin' to think I'm not meant for this
Watchin' everyone else poppin' Ecstasy
While I'm in the corner,
Startin' shit with anyone standing next to me
It seems like I'm just losin' motivation
And overall, I'm just choosin' frustration
With the inability to even think
So I make like the Titanic, and begin to sink

Notice, it's not done. I'm planning on recording this and making it a full song.

Feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=118064

[Blu]

The structure was pretty bad and that damaged flow at the beginning but you managed to pick it up towards the end. Your last piece was better tbh, I didn't like this so much .. But the second half overall was better than the first half, it was great, I think you should work on the structure, maybe write a bit longer bars to improve the flow .. I'm not an expert or anything but that's what I think.

Keep going, man you'll improve gradually. And if you give me your opinion on my piece called "Suck It" I would appreciate it.

Shit alright thanks. I wasn't really feeling this either. But thanks CREAM.

Yeah fo sho I'll check it out.

[Enimee]

yeah at face value this is a solid verse, but if you actually pay attention its really weak in some areas, your flow is very choppy due too unbalanced structure and your rhyme schemes werent pulled off as fluently as you may have desired thanks to the lack of multis and such, i mean it didnt really pop any where it just wasnt a GREAT verse,
but it was solid, you had consistent rhymes and it wasnt bad...but you could definitly improve... and ive seen you do way better,