No Regrets

[Man1x]

Stone cold emotion/
This craft requires untold devotion/
I got the rhythm of the locomotion/
Life hasn't ever been fair and balanced/
Ha, Fox News still sticking to their claim/
It's sad that they can stand violence/
Is there any way to gain fair fame?/
I'm a stain on the rap game/
I sit here feeling like I'm trapped in a cage/
I just wanna break lose and turn this fucking page/
Now I'm going stomp these mutherfuckas in the dust/
Cause I'm flowing until my fucking head bust!/
Cause I can't control my conscience/
No Regrets/
However, I know I have defects/

Okay I know its not good, haven't been writing in a while and I'm still new to this shit. I didn't bother reading over it either to edit and make it better cause I want to be what I came up with at the top of my head. But, no excuses. Give me fed back and suggestions.

[Suicide]

Some stuff didn't rhyme. And it seems like your just throwing fucking in there for the hell of it. Sounds better without it. You used the cuss words as fillers, but other than you had some good rhymes.

I got the rhythm of the locomotion

Change the to a. It wouldn't sound as weird.

Cause I'm flowing until my fucking head bust!

Sounds weird. Maybe reword the sentence. Or change bust to busts.

Damn, I'm not good at this critique thing

But, I can offer a little bit of help. If you want me to explain more just tell me. You might want to work on multies and punchlines too. Coz I didn't really see any in this piece.

But otherwise...

[Man1x]

i wasn't doing punch lines, i suck at them and i admit there are not many multies. BUT look at cold emotion/untold devotion. Cold E-Mo-Tion/Told De-Vo-Tion. Thats a multi right there, I think its decent but I don't know. I guess suggestions. And remember I threw this together in like 5 minutes so I know it sucks.

[Suicide]

i wasn't doing punch lines, i suck at them and i admit there are not many multies. BUT look at cold emotion/untold devotion. Cold E-Mo-Tion/Told De-Vo-Tion. Thats a multi right there, I think its decent but I don't know. I guess suggestions. And remember I threw this together in like 5 minutes so I know it sucks.

Nah. It didn't suck. It was good for 5 minutes.

Also. The title matches a Masta Ace song. But, that doesn't really matter. Just thought I'd tell you.

[Man1x]

I didn't know that haha, I just thought of what would make a good title. It really doesn't go with the verse though.