Goblins Vs Martians writing..

[Trimss]

Yo..

Odd Future Wolf Gang i'm fuckin' em all,
Lil Wayne's friend, he suckin' in the mall
suckin' on my balls, stuck in the hall
Nicki Minaj isn't a butt-call she'll get
lucky if she doesn't end up doing buccal,
Young Money, i wanna stab your lung Baby
Hung Lil B and fuck everyone cuz i'm still G
I got the buzz cuz i'm Ill B, I'm silly
Gucci always was a bitch and will still be,
Snatch Hancock on a plane back to the way to philly,
How fucking random, Madonna suckin on a fan cock,
Slow fucking venom and choke her with a condom
Pitbull I swear I'm fed up of your fucking voice,
Faggot if you want talent, you should be sucking Royce
stop it, each one of your song, it blows
You fucking don't care about music as long as you get the doughs,
Justin, stupid, the only male without a single pubic dick hair,
and what up with the hair? Stop makin' singles, music, be fair
this is how I behave, cuttin' your head with papers just to put it on facebook,
why should I place a hook while i'm pacin, look
Who's Waka Flocka Flame anyway? An amazing crook?
Get the fuck outta this game, this man is shook
Lil Wayne, your crew ain't shit, and this fame don't mean shit,
And this fake flame you spit? Your punches don't mean shit,
You ain't no blood, you walkin' with a blue bandana
Your crew is some fake gangsta version of hanna montana
Fuck Swag Rap and bitches, Bring rap back it switches,
it went from gangstaz, real shit and feelings
and now it's all about fakers, money and stealing
Lady Gaga, smash her on the ceiling before a meeting,
Cook her dress while i'm peeping, creeping,
this is how my brain is feeding, my hain
I'm the one who's strangling singers with my chain
Rebecca Black, a useless bitch, and that's just a minor offense
A sinner in the brain, Beyonce I wanna fuck you in the nose
I mean, if Jay-Z got big lips it's because he's eatin' on hoes,
Cheat him with me please, i'll give you a sexual disease,
with my big stick stuck between your yellow teeth,
High School Musical? Zack, why this fool is stupid yall?
This society is just fool, everyone has a mask
Smokin' is cool, so is fucking fags in the ass


So I did that in an inspiration move. I did in like, half an hour. I have some shitty punchlines in here but it's my first step at punchlines too, I tried to match the syllables but it's still a work in progress.

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=122495 Lyrical Massacre.
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=120664 MikeNufc, First enslaved.

Tell me what y'all think.
Instrumental:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PM9ikbJM_oA

NAMEDROPPING A LOT!

[Matt Holck]

I like the music mix
mean low and slow

[MikeNUFC]

It was pretty nice. Reminded me off a 36 bars I did a while back. The flow was fine. The rhyming was decent and the syllables matched pretty well on the whole. There were a few rhymes that stuck out ("music, be fair" was really forced, as it was just soley for the rhyme). Also one part where you didn't rhyme with anything ("minor offense" didn't seem to have a couplet lol). It was a fun read, though, good stuff.

PS - Why did you post my piece, I don't think you fed it haha!

[Trimss]

Thanks MikeNUFC, Yeah I just read your 36 bars, guess we were inspired by the shitty music on the radio!

I really liked your piece and I thought I fed it to be honest Maybe I clicked on preview and closed the page. Anyway I'm gonna feed it again because it was awesome.

[PeNGuiN ZoMbiE]

ehh.. i feel this was a little excessive with the name calling. i personally didnt find it too funny. but besides my lack of interest i felt it was a little choppy.

and this right here was grammatically incorrect:

"You fucking don't care about music as long as you get the doughs"

my two pennies. i'd appreciate any kind of feed back here:

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=123179

i wouldnt even care if you told me it sucked, as long as you told me why

[Alex2012]

you're really gifted in English, It's very good.


Slow fucking venom and choke her with a condom

[Matt Holck]

Your crew is some fake gangsta version of hanna montana

lol

[Trimss]

Thanks @Alex, I try to get better though!

Yeah C.R.E.A.M when someone gives me tips I try to remember and to use em! Thanks a lot bro!

@Matt, glad it made you laugh.

@the other one (sorry forgot your name, im on my phone) i'll feed your piece! Thanks!

[Suicide]

Holy shit I was just on facebook and I saw this from the Funk Volume page.

Funk Volume
BTW - SwizZz only needs about 40 "likes" to get to 20K. He'll be workin' on the next fan-requested track as soon as y'all get him there. Martians vs. Goblins is the track. Turn it up!!!

That is fucking crazy.

Anyways this is a nice piece. I just wanted to post the Funk Volume coz it's a weird coincidence.