This is Hip Hop?

[JamaicanPattlez]

I've been cursed with the birth of a new found talent,
And it hurts even worse when it's proved unbalanced,
It's the power to speak louder with penned down lyrics,
I've now found that being around can make men sound livid,
Lots of wack rappers are seen fishing for hooks,
I thought fact of the matter was kitchen's for cooks,
Hip Hop ain't dead, it's just under the weather,
It's not getting fed, and shit's starting to test her,
There's lame brains like Lil Wayne and Waka Flocka Flame,
All I hear is the same game: dames and talkin' 'bout the fame,
I blame them, these guys are the reason why we're in trouble,
These might be defined as people who are known to smoke mufflers,
And now I hear people saying that I'm just trying to be Shady,
I'm just endowed to adhere your fear, is that so wrong? (maybe, teehee!)
I'm just known to jack your throne, so don't you get cocky,
You're not even a whole bowl of fruits, you're more like some broccoli.

http://forum.trshady.com:80/viewtopic.p ... 4#p1783434

[Ka0t1c]

the answer is yes, it was a mighty fine and dandy piece that shows off a lot of aspects of hip hop and i sir, approve of this type of behavior, signed, Ka0t1c

[JamaicanPattlez]

the answer is yes, it was a mighty fine and dandy piece that shows off a lot of aspects of hip hop and i sir, approve of this type of behavior, signed, Ka0t1c

Thanks! Just the response I was looking for. Great that you liked it!

[Sam.]

Lot's of forced Rhyming just to get the full line Multi ,why ? This threw the flow of in th Bars that had them.I'm sorry I like the content but this is too much.

[mdemaz]

Looks pretty sweet, but, Sam is sorta right..

[JamaicanPattlez]

Lot's of forced Rhyming just to get the full line Multi ,why ? This threw the flow of in th Bars that had them.I'm sorry I like the content but this is too much.

Which ones for example, can you point them out? Damn, I thought I had it this time..

[Sam.]

Lot's of forced Rhyming just to get the full line Multi ,why ? This threw the flow of in th Bars that had them.I'm sorry I like the content but this is too much.

Which ones for example, can you point them out? Damn, I thought I had it this time..

Lots of wack rappers are seen fishing for hooks,
I thought fact of the matter was kitchen's for cooks,
Hip Hop ain't dead, it's just under the weather,
It's not getting fed, and shit's starting to test her,

[JamaicanPattlez]

Lot's of forced Rhyming just to get the full line Multi ,why ? This threw the flow of in th Bars that had them.I'm sorry I like the content but this is too much.

Which ones for example, can you point them out? Damn, I thought I had it this time..

Lots of wack rappers are seen fishing for hooks,
I thought fact of the matter was kitchen's for cooks,
Hip Hop ain't dead, it's just under the weather,
It's not getting fed, and shit's starting to test her,

Honestly, I loved those lines. Ah dammit. Back the pad I go.

[JamaicanPattlez]

I'm late.

That was real nice, I only found these forced but the rest is good:
It's the power to speak louder with penned down lyrics,
I've now found that being around can make men sound livid
-
I blame them, these guys are the reason why we're in trouble,
These might be defined as people who are known to smoke mufflers

Other than that it was tight, I was reading it and Joe Budden's voice popped in my head.
Great multi's, nice flow and you managed to pull the concept of Hip Hop without being repetitive (Which is rare tbh) .. Just gotta give more attention to the flow than the multi's ya know, avoid the 'forced' feeling haha.

Great job.

That's exactly what I was going for, especially in the forced lines. Joe's been an influence recently, so I wanted to see if I could use lines he'd use. Nobody else mentioned that, props. Thanks for feeding! I'll keep going back to the lab and improve.

[JamaicanPattlez]

I thought I already fed this lol. Some rhymes seemed a bit forced like lyrics / livid (I know this was a bigger multi, but that part seemed weird)

Other than that it's dope. I liked your Lil Wayne bar the most.

There's lame brains like Lil Wayne and Waka Flocka Flame,
All I hear is the same game: dames and talkin' 'bout the fame,

Flowed really well

Yeah, I kinda figured... don't worry, I'll drop something tonight that'll show my improvement lol. I was trying to add more metaphors and punches in my work, and I guess the flow suffered for it this time. Ah well, it flowed well to me lol. Thanks for the feed!

[Words]

Really liked it, Lame brains- Lil Wayne Flocka Flame
Good piece all around, some multi's were a little, tiny bit, forced but it was minor. It was easy to overlook due to other aspects of the piece.


P.S Sorry for the late feed. I haven't had much time lately to do things outside of work/school etc. but when I saw this I wanted to feed it, just didn't have the time.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Really liked it, Lame brains- Lil Wayne Flocka Flame
Good piece all around, some multi's were a little, tiny bit, forced but it was minor. It was easy to overlook due to other aspects of the piece.


P.S Sorry for the late feed. I haven't had much time lately to do things outside of work/school etc. but when I saw this I wanted to feed it, just didn't have the time.

Haha thank you my dude. Well, I've definitely learned one thing: it sounds too forced haha. And don't even worry about it, we all have lives (at least, I hope we all do...) so that's understandable.

[Jdubem]

Pretty good, I liked your first two bars best and everything was good except a couple of forced rhymes and I kinda thought the last line sounded a little corny, but good stuff.