Memories

[TommiTMX]

Went through my first real break up the other day and the only thing I could think of was to try and write to get my feelings out, always tried it before but never felt comfortable enough to share a verse but this one I quite like.

Let me know what you think! (Take it easy on me, this is new ground for me =P)

I feel like a steel knife stabbed right through my heart,
Now I'm in the twilight and try like I might I can't fight
The dark, without a spark I might have to restart,
You want a break but won't explain, don't think you understand the strain and pain I feel when you get so defensive,
That's when I want to jump into a pensieve
Extensive amounts of throughts running through my head,
Don't wanna say it, I'd rather send a bullet through instead.

[Sam.]

What do you wanna know tell me ? If you're wondering that if you were able to express your thought properly ,then my friends you were successful to an extent.Rhymes & Flow were on point too.

Only things that bugged me is that this could have been a little longer,especially when it comes to such topics.

I have been through a break up before so I know how it feels,you'll get over it soon,believe in yourself.


If you can ...peep my shit.
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=131175

[TommiTMX]

Just wanted to check I wasn't a complete failure of a writer! I think the amount of emotion pouring over my body the last couple of days sparked some measure of creativity within me!

It probably could have been a lot longer had I just sat and written but after writing an entire song towards the end I was failing horribly, the structure of the last verse I wrote made me cringe!

Will head over now, nice to know my flow and rhymes were okay was happy when I got the flow down, it started a bit choppy, was easier once I was sitting listening to the beat

EDIT: And I'll feed the other soon, have some Uni work to write up first and I'll get straight on it

[ThomasJ]

All the crazy shit I did tonight, those will be the...

Oops, wrong thread.

It's good for a first piece, just concentrate on flow for now.
Once you get the hang of it, start using more complex rhyme schemes (multisyllabic rhymes, internals, inverse multies).

Also, be carefully with using words like "pensieve". People are gonna think you're a geek.

[TommiTMX]

All the crazy shit I did tonight, those will be the...

Oops, wrong thread.

It's good for a first piece, just concentrate on flow for now.
Once you get the hang of it, start using more complex rhyme schemes (multisyllabic rhymes, internals, inverse multies).

Also, be carefully with using words like "pensieve". People are gonna think you're a geek.

I am not ashamed of it either ;-) makes me money.

Thanks for the feedback , we'll see how long I can stay angry and have something to write about.