Me and kristins story we made a 100 on in class. (:

[Dani:)]

Feedback: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=132971

[The beginning of the story has a little bit of a part of what happens to the two boys in the story but the two are completely different, don't want to confuse someone when they read it. The movie in the story and What happens in the book ARE completely different in little ways. Hope you enjoy it.
-Danielle I. Guffey.]

One night about six years ago my old buddy Charles came over. It was Halloween night and we weren't going out to trick or treat because we where "to old".We where watching this movie, it was a really really scary movie about people going to the grave yard on Halloween and exploring the wood with a chain saw ( with out its blade) to scare who ever you saw walking by first, (well except their chain saw's had blades on them). The movie was almost over when Sam asked about it the movie was a true story. I never took that in to consideration when i rented it, so my curiosity took the best of me, so i had to look. It Say's it happed once before back in the 1800's but haven't had it happen since.( yes i understand you don't understand what's really going on at the moment but im getting to what's going to happen soon)
Sam and I sat there for the longest looking for another movie, but he just kept bringing up how cool it would be to find out what happened in the movie occurred again, but in our town. Thinking i realized what if it did? What if someone as stupid as the kid's in the movie actually goes out into a graveyard? We decided that we would take an adventure, we decided to that we would go walking around the town graveyard.
We were halfway towards the graveyard when we saw something move in the woods that caught my attention. Since it was Halloween we figured it was little kids trying to joke around,so we kept walking.
Then we heard a strange noise that couldn't come from any kids or humans possible, but once again curiosity took advantage or us so we went into the woods. We looked around for a while, but we couldn't find nothing so we explored deeper in to the woods, we heard the noise again! We froze in our foot steps, hearts racing, we looked around and saw nothing....
I was starting to think that this was a bad idea, wanting to turn around and go back, i wasn't able to find Sam. I called Sam's name twice but couldn't seem to find him, getting worried i started looking then out of know where he comes out from behind a tree. Wanting to say so many things to him, i calmed myself and asked if he would like to go back. We started making our way back, but it seemed we were walking in a big circle, i blew it off and figured that it only felt that way because it was dark out. We spent hours walking, finally realizing it only took us ten minutes to get where we were, i stopped and pulled Sam aside telling him we where lost he agreed we tried a different direction.
We started walking the other way only leading us to this blizzard flat land with ricks sticking out everywhere, not caring or noticing what the rocks were we decided to just keep walking. I took the lead thinking it would be best since Sam like to wonder off the route we where going to walk threw the flat plain we were going. Something felt off so i decided to turn around and talk to Sam to see if he felt the same but...... he was gone. I heard a scream, Eyes widened with terror i looked around and started screaming Sam's name....Nothing but blood curdling screams. Looking worriedly around screaming Sam in terror, I still saw nor found nothing.I didn't know what to do, but start walking i couldn't run because i couldn't make my legs go i was shocked and scared to know what i would find next. Tears running drastically down my cheek's, i saw something move a little hope brightened in me then i saw it my best-friend half way out of the ground nothing but Silence..
I slowly made my way over to what was my best-friend hearing smooth, calm, clod whispering saying (saaaammm) over and over again. Shocked again I didn't know what to expect. I went over and tried to get him to answer me but nothing came out of his mouth, dead silence. I went closer tears coming back back bent down and poked his head that when it happen his head rolled right off his shoulders. Blood poured out everywhere, I screamed and ran not knowing where i was going but i was going somewhere. I fell over and curled in to a ball and cried till unconsciousness over came my whole
body....
I woke up to brightness and sirens going off, I ran back toward the direction i came from. Stopping dead on to see absolutely nothing but flat and, nothing that showed what happened to Sam the night before. No body knows what happened on Halloween night, everyone wonders what happened to Sam, no one saw him nor heard of him again. I can't explain to anyone what happened, no one will believe me so to all who will listened, this is a warning never leave your house to go in to a graveyard that has been abandoned for years there is always something that goes on and a reason nobody goes there anymore especially, on Halloween night.... Considered your self warned....


[ Tell me what you think, honestly i think i could of put more detail but for it to be a school project and it too be limited to so many paragraphs not much you can put, thanks for reading love to hear from you soon. (:

- Danielle I. Guffey]

[Fleka]

When I was a kid, me and my friends would do stuff like going to the woods or graveyards every Halloween. It all stopped one year, when I was 11 years old. A few months before i met this kid named Mladen in school. He just moved to this little place just outside of my city. I was the class president, so the teacher told me to show him around the school and shit like that. We spend that day walking around school, talking and had a snack. The next few days he just acted like he didn`t know me, he pretty much ignored everybody. Then, after a week or so, he sat next to me during lunch, and said that the other kids are mean to him and that he has tough time to fit in. I also thought he was weird, but I told him he can hang out with me and my friends. He would come over to my home after school, his mom would drive him over and my dad would drive him back. So, he would hang out with me and my friends. I never felt relaxed when he was near me, nore did my friends, but he seemd like a nice guy, and he was, I don`t know how to describe it, a nerdy kind of guy. He was skinny and small and had that sad face, you know, the kind of guy you just feel sorry for. So, we decided to make him a part of our group of friends.

So, the days went buy, Mladen was becoming more and more relaxed about playing with us. He always wanted to play with toy guns and swords. And when he would "shoot" or "stab" someone, he would say things like "I just sliced your gut so that your intestines would fall out and you will die slowly watching it on the floor". And when we saw a cat or a dog, he would always say how he would like to cou it slowly or burn it alive. And he would start chasing the dog or cat, but never cought them, turn around and laugh. So we assumed he was just joking around And I heard stories in school, from the kids that lived near him, that he was torturing animals, but i ignored it. And everything was great untill the Halloween that year.

Like every year, we wanted to do something, so we decided taht we would go to the graveyard and pretend that we are doing some devil worship ritual. Maybe someone will se us and tell the story, and if not, we will just hang out. So one of my friends took his siter`s doll, and painted it red si it looked like it`s benn stabbed. That was our sacrifice. Mladen will sllep over at my house.
We went to the graveyard and started ou ritual by making some stupid noises and dancig around the doll. Then, Mladen said he has somathing better than the doll. he took a box out of his bacpack and opened it. And, inside the box, there were three hamsters cut in pieces. We were all like "What the fuck man, where did you get that!?". And then, I will never forget the way his face looked, so evil and twisted, he looked me in the eyes and said "I did that, I did that so this would work better". And the smile he had on his face still makes me sick, even now. I got so mad, because I love animals, and I slaped him so hard he fell down. Then I started screaming "You little fucker, why don`t try something like that with me, with someone that can fight back, ha!!? You fucker, try that with me!!" and kicked him with my feet. I could not stop myself, I broke his nose and a few ribs before they dragged me away. I called my father and told him what happened. He picked us up, took us home, called Mladen`s parents, police, paramedics and the socail service. Mladen was in hospital for a few days and after that he was in a psychiatric facilitie. That`s all I know. I was sent to counseling, but that was just a few times.

The years passed, I went to college, finished it and got a job. I was 23 years old. One morning, I eas leaving the house for work, I found a box in front of my door. Inside the box was a bloody scalpel, some hair and a note. It said "It could not fight back, neither will you". I remembered that halloween 12 years ago instantly. I went to work, and called or mailed all of my friends that were there that night. I thought maybe one of them is fucking with me. They all said no. Few days later I started getting weird mails and text messages, like "I`m watching", "I`m tired of hamsters", "You kicked, now I get to cut"...

I thought that my friends are messing with me untill I got pics of me walking in the street, eating at restaurants and stuff like that. You see, all of my friends from that night are not living in the same town as me. I knew, if they were messing with me, they would not go so far. I was really freaked out, so I told my girlfrien all about it. I told her about Mladen and that night and the stuff that is happening now. I informed the police about the pics and the box and the mails, but, there was nothing they could do. My life was hell, I would lokk over my shoulder even in my own house. I was a mess. My girlfriend was trying to cheer ne up and make me feel better, so she bought me a taser and she made that her phone is always showing my position (well, my phone`s position).

Nothing happened for a week, no messages, no pics, nothing. I was begining to feel better. Then, one day I came home from work, took a shower, made my self something to eat and sat down in front of TV. And I can`t turn the TV on. so i got up and checked the cables. Power cable was disconnected. I thought that was strange. So I connected the cable, sat back, but the TV still didn`t work. So, I went to check the remote batteries and instead of batteries, there was a piece of paper. It said "I am in your house, I saw you sleep, I am in your head and I will never leave". I ran to the kitchen where the taser was, but in the darwer where I kept the taser I found another note. It said "Maybe it`s upstairs". I ran out, and called the police. They checked the house and found nothing. So, while they were there, I got all the locks changed and asked if they could watch around the house for a few days. They said the will send a patrol every few hours. I called my girlfriend to tell her that I`m scared for her, that guy was in my house, maybe he will go after her. I told her to lock herself in the house and calls me every hour. She wanted to come over, but I told her not to come.

I locked all the doors, sealed all the windows and went up to my bedroom. I remembered that I had a baseball bat in the suitcase under the bed. I opened it and instead of the bat found a dog`s head and paws. And there was a note. "Hamster-------->Dog------->Man. Practice makes better, and I`ve been practicing." There was a drawing of a man with my picture for his head. I reached to my pocket for my phone when everything went balck.

I woke up on my back, tied on the top of the table. I looked around. The room was full of my pictures, pictures of my house, car, office. The radio was playing, but quietly. I could barely make out the words "you also can`t fight back mister class president". The doors opened. And there he was. It was Mladen. He had that look on his face, the same look he had that night 12 years ago. He didn`t change much, he was still skinny. He stared at me for a few second, then started running towards me and stabbed me in the leg. I screamed and he started laughing. It was not some crazy laugh, he laughed the way he used to laugh when we were kids. But the look on his face was something else. That look I will never forget. He soaked his hands in the blood from my leg and started smearing it on the pics on the wall. He was singing quietly "He can`t fight back now, can he".

Then, he turned around, ran back to the table, jumped on me and took the scalpel. He looked me in the eyes, smiled and started to cut my chest. He would make small cuts, and count them, line after line. I tried not to scream, not to give him the pleasure. And that was making him angry. He jumped down, sat on a chair and started talking. He said that I was supposed to understand and that he did that for me. He thought I will appreciate his work and that his work is way better than some doll with a bit of paint. Then, my mobile phone rang. It was in the pocket of my pants that were on the shelf. He took it and said "Your girl is calling. I`ll let it ring. Let her worrie about you. She won`t be able to fight back neither". The phone kept ringing I don`t know for how long, I lost track of time. Every time the phone rang, he would cut me more, I think he replaced my screaming with the phone ring.

Then, he took some pills and made me swallow them. He said he would not want me to pass out when the real stuff begins. After I swallowed the pills, he told the pills need time to work and that I can watch him getting ready. he started pulling out all kinds of saws, knives...

Suddenly, the door busted open and police came running through the doors. They knocked him down to the floor and cuffed him. He started crying and looked at me with his crazy, deranged eyes and screamed "You can`t fight back!!!". They untied me and my girlfriend came through the door. She said that GPS signal to her phone saved me. She didn`t listen to me and decided to come over. When I didn`t answer the door, she took her phone and wanted to call me, but my signal was pointing to the house across the street. And since I didn`t answer the phone, she went to the police. She told them that she thinks I`m heldby someone in that house, but the police told her to fill out a missing person`s form. Then she told them the story about Mladen, and when she mentioned her name, one of the cops typed something in his PC and told her to take them to the house. As it turns out, Mladen spent his life in a mental hospital, he was relesead few months before. And the lost contact with him, so the police was informed, because he was supposed to call in twice a week. She saved my life.

As we sat there and the paramedics were patching my vounds I was looking at Mladen. He was crying and yelling "They fight back". That`s when I remembered all the movies i saw. And how guys like that always come back. I took one of the knives he prepared for me, hide it under the blanket I had on my shoulders and asked the policeman to talk to Mladen. They brought him in front of me and I just nailed that knife to his forehead. He fell down, paramedics try to save him, but it was too late. I said "I`m sorry, but I just can`t live worrying he will come back". One of the detectices told me that everybody will confirm it was self defence.

That was 5 years ago. I still dream about him every night.






There. I was bored. After all that typing, I won`t be bored for next 3 yeras.

[Sam.]

Provide a link of feedback before posting. You're new, so it's cool. But you should go comment on someone else's work, and then provide the link to the topic in which you commented in, in this post.

Thanks. After that I'll give you feedback.

This is a moving Article so no need for LOF.TR posted this a while ago and as you can see ,no LOF.
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=112359

[Dani:)]

Im alittle confused? Lol you have to coment on someone elses to post thought you could
Just make a new thing if its nothing bad? Lol

[Spyder]

@ Sam of course TR doesnt need a LOF hes da boss

[Sam.]

@ Sam of course TR doesnt need a LOF hes da boss

She is just sharing ,not asking for feed.

[Dani:)]

Yeah just sharing im getting the hang of it im sure by a couple of months ill have everything down

[B.A.D.]

rules are rules.

Sam stop challenging the moderators, seriously.

Dani:) please PM Geno with your feedback link

[VenomBlackViper]

What the fuck am I reading?

Also why does everyone use the smiley whenever giving feed is brought up?

[Words]

I liked the story itself, but some grammatical/spelling errors made it hard to read at times.
(i.e: it's vs its, where vs were, Lack of commas,

The movie was almost over when Sam asked about it the movie was a true story.

^ several awkward sentences like this, etc.)


If you just polished grammar use and sentence syntax, this could be a much stronger writing piece.
It was alright, return the feed? viewtopic.php?f=24&t=133360&p=1797254#p1797254

[Dani:)]

I understand about the grammer i was in a hurry typing it thank you for the feed back! Ill remember what you said