The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

What's Not done [Creative control Track 3]

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

What's Not done [Creative control Track 3]

Postby J.R. » Oct 30th, '11, 21:48

Nutz: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=133206&p=1795399#p1795399
Atone : viewtopic.php?f=24&t=133144&p=1795403#p1795403


Atone The Underdog wrote:(Verse)
You was my best friend said you would be there for me
told me you loved me, said you would care for me
you would go places them other's wouldn't dare to be
remember when we met up by the lake
back when there was still memories to create
under the gazeebo, i was thinkin about kissin you
so many situations i wish was true
we was good together i thought we would stick like glue
got lost on the road and i was missin you
years later things are back but some shit was new
you got a kid now, and look what that man did to you
got you paranoid, thinkin we don't ever change
i kept tryin to show you that all men aint the same
but damn, now that i see what you became, it's a shame
you used to be a good girl, but now you like to play games
should never believe you the way you used to say things
i guess it's over now, told me the last lie
now i'm movin on, your a thing in my past life



B.Nutz wrote:

Past life? Yours sucked I tried to help
Thats nice, I got fucked, Left with wealth,
Got fucked for some Fat guy, By my baby You,
My love is now watching Rats die, I'm crazy boo,
You dumped me and said you couldn't have me back,
I'm stumped see, You led my heart on a Mass attack,
I bumped into you one day, Now I'm a Rapping ass,
We humped crazy babe, Had fun on Laughing gas,
Then I woke up and you were gone, I read your note,
I was choked up, it had dawned, knew you had to go,
I decided to get up out of bed, and right you a fuck you letter,
Conceited as hell, It read "Look how perfect we Was together,"
And now I sit on my couch, weeping and sighing,
Staring at the mouse and blouse, Deeply denying,
That your gone and the tears just start to flow..
Can't believe I saw so much in a fucking hoe...
Image
User avatar
J.R.
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2045
Joined: May 8th, '11, 18:38
Gender: Male

Re: What's Not done [Creative control Track 3]

Postby J.R. » Oct 31st, '11, 20:08

Bump
Image
User avatar
J.R.
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2045
Joined: May 8th, '11, 18:38
Gender: Male

Re: What's Not done [Creative control Track 3]

Postby J.R. » Nov 3rd, '11, 01:24

B.Nutz wrote:Bump

:whistle:
Image
User avatar
J.R.
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2045
Joined: May 8th, '11, 18:38
Gender: Male

Re: What's Not done [Creative control Track 3]

Postby Mr.DGAF » Nov 3rd, '11, 02:07

This is probably my favorite piece you guys have dropped as CC so far. The verses mesh well together, and you both maintained the topic quite well. I noticed some of that full bar rhyming stuff going on in here, and that's always impressive when you can do that and keep things relevant to what you're trying to say. I don't know who had the better verse, I liked both but they had a different feel.

Sometimes the rhymes from both of y'all seemed a bit iffy, but there was a lot of parts that were really good, so no real complaints there. :y:
You'd be surprised...
How many truths you can hide in flows

Image
Image
Quest for Six
Team Emma Stone
Buns till amazing... :')
User avatar
Mr.DGAF
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2349
Joined: Aug 15th, '11, 04:10
Location: In the back seat of your truck, with duct tape stretched out.
Gender: Male

Re: What's Not done [Creative control Track 3]

Postby Jdubem » Nov 3rd, '11, 02:20

Good emotional story telling with both verses. B. Nutz's verse was nice with the rhymes and the content was interesting and emotional at the same time without being corny other than maybe saying boo haha. Anyhow Good shit tho :y:
Jdubem
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 320
Joined: May 17th, '11, 02:05


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users