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Bipolar

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Bipolar

Postby J.R. » Dec 15th, '11, 01:28

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=136510&p=1823993#p1823993

I decide I want to do something, Then it's the next,
I rely on others to help me decide what's best,
Because I can't make these decisions on my own,
Can't pick pants, So I can't leave my home..
I hate this, I'm depressed and conflicted,
If I get stuff off my chest it changes so I'm restricted.
I'm tired of being laughed at and misunderstood,
Not just outside, but online and under my hood,
I can't make a decision, left or right,
Stressed or fine?
Yes or Nein?
Chest or mind?
I can't even pick out who I love anymore, which was once so clear,
Left or right, up or down, I can't Pick a way to steer,
I'm stressed out, got like more enemies than ever,
First I come here nice, then I leave tethered,
I'm scarred, what I've done and seen can not be fixed,
I go fucking shopping, and for some reason I drop my list,
and if it's in sight, I get whatever the fuck I want,
My mind's like, "Get it together you fucking cunt!"
And it's affecting my rap, I came here great ,
and I fell to last..The same weird path,
I go from good to bad to medicore to average,
Like a savage I lose what I've gained,
and the shit just confuses my brain,
I'm sane, or at least I claim,
Now I'm enraged, because I'm a fucking joke..
Shit, changed my mind, Didn't mean to make a ruckus yo..
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Re: Bipolar

Postby B.A.D. » Jan 8th, '12, 11:59

I like the emotion on this piece, but you really have to elevate rhyme-wise and technically-wise because other than the basic hip hop concept there's no much that can really be loved. I'm not telling by any means to flood verses with multis, or be complex for the fuck of it, but I think you gotta step the skill up a little bit

I enjoyed it tho', good piece, keep it up :y:
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Re: Bipolar

Postby J.R. » Jan 8th, '12, 21:24

B.A.D. wrote:I like the emotion on this piece, but you really have to elevate rhyme-wise and technically-wise because other than the basic hip hop concept there's no much that can really be loved. I'm not telling by any means to flood verses with multis, or be complex for the fuck of it, but I think you gotta step the skill up a little bit

I enjoyed it tho', good piece, keep it up :y:

Will do and thanks. :y:
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Re: Bipolar

Postby TonyTilt » Jan 11th, '12, 21:35

I LOVE the mentality in this, a lot of emotion and the rhymes were on point! Very creative and deep, Can't wait to read more from you. Keep up the good work :wave:
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Re: Bipolar

Postby Drama Setter » Jan 12th, '12, 10:45

not bad ,you had some lines that didn't make sense tho

like :I go fucking shopping, and for some reason I drop my list,
and if it's in sight, I get whatever the fuck I want,

and yeah negativity is cool in rapping but being a sheer poet and rapping strictly about how miserable and negative a mind or thoughts can be w/o any point and conclusion in the end is a lill irritating

but your rhythmicality was great , im lookin forward to see some more of your poetry skills in the near future
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